IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that the only purpose of films is to entertain. But other say film should have educational value. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

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Some individuals think that
main
Correct article usage
the main
show examples
purpose
Use synonyms
 of
films
Use synonyms
 is for entertainment only ,
while
Linking Words
 others say that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 should made
with
Change preposition
for
show examples
 some educational
purpose
Use synonyms
 . Both views will be
dissussed
Correct your spelling
discussed
 in the upcoming paragraphs
along with
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 my opinion . One of the main reasons
of
Change preposition
apply
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that the only
purpose
Use synonyms
 of
films
Use synonyms
 should only
for
Change preposition
to
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 entertain is that
movies
Use synonyms
 act as a stress buster . When
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
working people get a free weekend after the whole week ,
then
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 they gave more preference to spend their leisure time
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while
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
watching
movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
 with their loved ones . Sometimes they try to watch in
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the cinema hall or on Netflix
while
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 sitting
their
Change preposition
at their
show examples
 own home .
Thus
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 , individuals prefer to watch
Add an article
the movie
a movie
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movie
Fix the agreement mistake
movies
show examples
 to get relax
themselves
Remove the pronoun
apply
show examples
.
The another
Remove the article
Another
show examples
 reason is that why
producer
Fix the agreement mistake
producers
show examples
 of
films
Use synonyms
 should
made
Change the verb form
make
show examples
films
Use synonyms
 only
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
entertain to
public
Add an article
the public
show examples
 because there
other
Add a missing verb
are other
show examples
 various sources through
Correct pronoun usage
which audience
show examples
audience
Fix the agreement mistake
audiences
show examples
 can get education
such
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 as
You Tube
Correct your spelling
YouTube
show examples
. With the advent of various
films
Use synonyms
 like
punjabi
Change the capitalization
Punjabi
show examples
,
Engilsh
Correct your spelling
English
 and Telgu . The audience from different countries would not
be
Rephrase
only be
show examples
 able to enjoy
movies
Use synonyms
 in different
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
 but
also
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can
Verb problem
apply
show examples
get a chance to learn different
language
Fix the agreement mistake
languages
show examples
.
On the other hand
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 , some masses believe that
movies
Use synonyms
 should have some educational value . The main cause is that nowadays , mainly
children
Use synonyms
instead
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 of elderly people showing more interest in watching
movies
Use synonyms
 . So , what they will see in
movies
Use synonyms
 ,they will try to adapt in their real life .
Thus
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 , the
films
Use synonyms
made
Add a missing verb
are made
show examples
 in
way
Add an article
a way
show examples
 that they can get some useful information through
movies
Use synonyms
 .
Additionally
Linking Words
 , in the era of globalization , mainly adults are moving
in to
Join the words
into
show examples
 different countries . They are not trying to adapt
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
western
Capitalize word
Western
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 culture . In
this
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 way , they are forgetting their traditional customs and values .
Thus
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 , by making historical and traditional
movies
Use synonyms
 ,
children
Use synonyms
 will not only
get
Verb problem
gain
show examples
 knowledge about their country's history but
they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
also
Linking Words
 connect themselves with the roots and traditional values .
Hence
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,
films
Use synonyms
 should be made with an educational
purpose
Use synonyms
 . g In my point of view ,
films
Use synonyms
 should be made only for entertainment
only
Rephrase
apply
show examples
,because their other various platforms through which the person can get
education
Correct article usage
an education
show examples
 related to any
subjects
Fix the agreement mistake
subject
show examples
. In conclusion ,
Although
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 the main
purpose
Use synonyms
 of
movies
Use synonyms
 should
for
Add a missing verb
be for
show examples
 fun only
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 are
also
Linking Words
audience
Add an article
an audience
the audience
show examples
 of
movies
Use synonyms
 these days . So , connecting
Use synonyms
children
Change noun form
children's
show examples
movies
Use synonyms
 should
also
Linking Words
 be made in
way
Add an article
a way
show examples
 that they can
get
Verb problem
gain
show examples
 knowledge
their
Change preposition
of their
show examples
 traditional values .

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coherence cohesion
Work on improving the clarity of your ideas. Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and all sentences relate to it. This will help improve the overall structure and coherence.
task achievement
Try to provide more specific examples to support your points. This adds depth and makes your essay more engaging and persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Consider rephrasing some sentences to avoid repetition and make your points more concise.
task achievement
Your essay discusses both views on the topic clearly, which shows an understanding of how to approach 'discuss both views' type essays.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the discussion well.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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