IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

You have joined a sports club recently. You are having some problems. Write to the manager and include this information. 1)Explain why you joined this club 2)Tell your problems 3)Give solutions

Dear Sir/Madam, Hope
this
Linking Words
 letter finds you in good health and in high spirits.I am writing
this
Linking Words
 to express
my
Change the word
the
show examples
 problems which I faced recently when I joined the sports
club
Use synonyms
 . My name is Navdeep and my membership number is 78941. I recently joined your
club
Use synonyms
 because your place offers the best gym near to my hometown. As I already spend one week in your
club
Use synonyms
Linking Words
therefore
Add the comma(s)
, therefore
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 , I found some problems inside the area.
First,
Linking Words
there
is
Verb problem
apply
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a
less spot
Fix the agreement mistake
fewer spots
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 for parking
vehicle
Fix the agreement mistake
vehicles
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consequently
Linking Words
 I have to park my car outside the
club
Use synonyms
.
Secondly
Linking Words
, inside the gym lights are very dim and
blur
Replace the word
blurry
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moreover
Linking Words
, some of the lights do not work properly
Linking Words
therefore
Add the comma(s)
, therefore
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,
in
Change preposition
at
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night
Add an article
the night
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 all of the gym lovers
found
Wrong verb form
find
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 difficulty in doing exercise and other
works
Fix the agreement mistake
work
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.
Apart from
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this
Linking Words
 , I would suggest some possible solutions to you. First and foremost ,use the empty land which is close to the
club
Use synonyms
 to
built
Change the form of the verb
build
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 some more parking
slot
Fix the agreement mistake
slots
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 and
last
Linking Words
 but not least install
high defination
Correct your spelling
high-definition
 lights inside so all of the people do not face any
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
 at night. Looking forward to hearing a
postive
Correct your spelling
positive
 and prompt response from your side. Yours sincerely, Navdeep

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coherence cohesion
For better coherence and cohesion, the explanation of each problem could follow a consistent pattern to improve readability.
coherence cohesion
Consider using more linking words like 'however' and 'additionally' to further extend the logical structure of the writing.
task achievement
When suggesting solutions, provide a clear link between each problem and its solution for better organization.
task achievement
The letter clearly explains why the writer joined the club, making it clear and concise.
task achievement
The letter maintains a suitable and polite tone throughout.
coherence cohesion
The greeting and closing are appropriately formal for a letter to a club manager.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • - Facilities: amenities or spaces provided for certain activities.
  • - Equipment: Tools or items used to perform specific tasks or sports.
  • - Maintenance: The upkeep or repair of facilities and equipment.
  • - Uncooperative: Not willing to work or assist others.
  • - Untrained: Lacking necessary training or skills.
  • - Feedback: Comments or suggestions for improvement.
  • - Accommodate: Make or have space for; to meet the needs of.
  • - Professionalism: The competence or skill expected of a professional.
  • - Recommend: To suggest a course of action.
  • - Wellness: The state of being in good health.
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