Some parents think computer games are better for children and they should be allowed to play more of them. whereas some parents argue that they are harmful to children. Discuss both views.
Some would argue that
computer
games
are good for children
and parents should give more opportunities for children
to play with them, while
others think that computer
games
negatively affect children
. Although
computer
games
improve cognitive skills
, I believe that it
cause more harm to Correct pronoun usage
they
children
's health
. This
essay will discuss both sides and will justify my opinion.
On the one hand, the supporters of the idea that computer
games
are beneficial to children
believe that it
enhance their thinking Correct pronoun usage
they
skills
. Most computer
games
are designed with several difficulty levels. So the players should think and act quickly when they playing. This
ultimately improves their congitive
abilities. As an example, a survey conducted by the Ministry of Correct your spelling
cognitive
Health
, Sri Lanka, revealed that 56% of student's problem-solving skills
and imagination skills
were developed after 3 months of playing computer
games
. However
, I believe that this
improvement may be short-term.
On the other hand
, the advocates propose the idea that computer
games
cause detrimental effects on children
's health
. It is evident that most young players are addicted to computer
games
and they neglect engaging in physical activities. This
causes several health
issues such
as obesity and high blood pressure. For instance
, a report published in My Health
Magazine, The National Hospital Colombo, found that 70% of computer
game players have increased their weight and blood pressure. So, I believe that playing computer
games
long-term,
negatively affects Remove the comma
apply
children
's health
.
In conclusion, although
computer
games
increase the cognitive skills
of children
, the detrimental effect on their health
should be considered. I believe parents should consider the drawbacks before giving more opportunities to children
.Submitted by surangaprasad90 on
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coherence cohesion
Consider adding more complex linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
While your argument is clearly presented, work on exploring the opposing viewpoint more thoroughly, perhaps with additional examples.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively set the stage and summarize your main argument, providing a clear frame for your discussion.
task achievement
The essay contains relevant and specific examples, helping to illustrate the points effectively.
coherence cohesion
The ideas are clearly and logically organized, making it easy to follow the argument.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.
Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?