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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some parents think computer games are better for children and they should be allowed to play more of them. whereas some parents argue that they are harmful to children. Discuss both views.

#parents #computer #games #children
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Some would argue that
computer
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games
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 are good for
children
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 and parents should give more opportunities for
children
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 to play with them,
while
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 others think that
computer
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games
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 negatively affect
children
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.
Although
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computer
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games
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 improve cognitive
skills
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, I believe that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 cause more harm to
children
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's
health
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.
This
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 essay will discuss both sides and will justify my opinion. On the one hand, the supporters of the idea that
computer
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games
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 are beneficial to
children
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 believe that
it
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 enhance their thinking
skills
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. Most
computer
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games
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 are designed with several difficulty levels. So the players should think and act quickly when they playing.
This
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 ultimately improves their
congitive
Correct your spelling
cognitive
 abilities. As an example, a survey conducted by the Ministry of
Health
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, Sri Lanka, revealed that 56% of student's problem-solving
skills
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 and imagination
skills
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 were developed after 3 months of playing
computer
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games
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.
However
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, I believe that
this
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 improvement may be short-term.
On the other hand
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, the advocates propose the idea that
computer
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games
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 cause detrimental effects on
children
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's
health
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. It is evident that most young players are addicted to
computer
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games
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 and they neglect engaging in physical activities.
This
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 causes several
health
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 issues
such
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 as obesity and high blood pressure.
For instance
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, a report published in My
Health
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 Magazine, The National Hospital Colombo, found that 70% of
computer
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 game players have increased their weight and blood pressure. So, I believe that playing
computer
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games
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 long-term
,
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apply
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 negatively affects
children
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's
health
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. In conclusion,
although
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computer
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games
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 increase the cognitive
skills
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 of
children
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, the detrimental effect on their
health
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 should be considered. I believe parents should consider the drawbacks before giving more opportunities to
children
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.
Submitted by surangaprasad90 on

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coherence cohesion
Consider adding more complex linking words and phrases to enhance the flow between ideas and paragraphs.
task achievement
While your argument is clearly presented, work on exploring the opposing viewpoint more thoroughly, perhaps with additional examples.
coherence cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion effectively set the stage and summarize your main argument, providing a clear frame for your discussion.
task achievement
The essay contains relevant and specific examples, helping to illustrate the points effectively.
coherence cohesion
The ideas are clearly and logically organized, making it easy to follow the argument.

Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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