IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

At the present time,the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults , compared with the number of older people. Do the advantges of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #advantges #situation
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These days, there is an increasing number of the younger generation than the older
people
 in some nations. There are some pros and cons regarding
this
 issue,
which
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 it seems that its advantages override the disadvantages.
To begin
 with, by overpopulating
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the youth more than the elderly, the economy of a nation might improve, leading
the
Change preposition
to the
show examples
 rise of satisfaction and
fullfillment
Correct your spelling
fulfilment
 in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society.
In other words
, these young
people
 work in their countries and
provide
Verb problem
pay
show examples
 taxes to the government.
Thus
,
this
 can be beneficial for both
public
Correct article usage
the public
show examples
 and states because it helps
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the flow of money in their community.
Furthermore
, the young generation may have new innovations and constructive ideas which lead their nation
a
Change preposition
to a
show examples
place where it is full of
prouds
Correct your spelling
pride
 and accomplishments.
This
 may not occur as long as the rate of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
elderly
people
 is in
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
high quantity,as the brain of individuals
is getting
Wrong verb form
get
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 weaker when
thay
Correct your spelling
they
 are
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
show examples
. It is fair to mention that there are some demerits
for
Change preposition
to
show examples
this
 issue as well. First and foremost, the more populated a city is with a large number of young citizens, the less experienced workers there are in many sorts of businesses, which results in a whole host of damage
in
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their companies, including getting into
debts
Fix the agreement mistake
debt
show examples
 and not having sufficient experience with regard to that problem.
This
 may lead those businesses to go bankrupt.
Moreover
, through
this
 trend, it is possible that a majority of nations place their attention on the young
people
 more the the older ones, resulting in the reduction of life expectancy and the needs of senior
citizen
Fix the agreement mistake
citizens
show examples
 being ignored.
To sum up
, today, in comparison to the older generation, the number of the youth is increasing rapidly, which
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
show examples
 some difficulties
such
 as reducing the age of being survived in a society and the ignorance towards the older ones.
Nevertheless
, it seems the merits of
this
 issue
outwigh
Correct your spelling
outweigh
it
Change the pronoun
its
show examples
 demerits. The benefits include making profits by means of achieving money to increase the economy and obtaining
prouds
Correct your spelling
pride
 for their own nations by innovating.
Submitted by sahar.moti1994 on

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task achievement
To enhance your essay, consider weaving in more specific examples or statistics to strengthen your arguments about young populations boosting the economy. Concrete examples make essays more compelling.
task achievement
Try to give a bit more balance by providing specific examples or scenarios of how an aging workforce impacts businesses. This might further support your point about disadvantages. Also, it could make your argument about life expectancy and elder care more vivid.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph logically builds on the previous one. For example, transition phrases could connect ideas about economic growth and innovation more smoothly.
introduction conclusion present
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion section. This provides a strong framework, supporting the reader in understanding your argument.
complete response
You have addressed both advantages and disadvantages of the subject, showing a balanced point of view, which strengthens your task achievement.
clear comprehensive ideas
Good use of comparative language to discuss the relative sizes of the younger and older populations in specific nations, adding depth to your argument.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Demographic
  • Workforce
  • Economic expansion
  • Innovation
  • Adaptable
  • Social and cultural innovation
  • Welfare systems
  • Medical and social care
  • Technological adoption
  • Competition
  • Educational institutions
  • Social instability
  • Resource allocation
  • Elderly care
  • Valuable experience and wisdom
What to do next:
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