IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

At the present time,the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults , compared with the number of older people. Do the advantges of this situation outweigh the disadvantages?

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These days, there is an increasing number of the younger generation than the older
people
Use synonyms
 in some nations. There are some pros and cons regarding
this
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 issue,
which
Correct word choice
and
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 it seems that its advantages override the disadvantages.
To begin
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 with, by overpopulating
of
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apply
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the youth more than the elderly, the economy of a nation might improve, leading
the
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to the
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 rise of satisfaction and
fullfillment
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fulfilment
 in
a
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apply
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society.
In other words
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, these young
people
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 work in their countries and
provide
Verb problem
pay
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 taxes to the government.
Thus
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,
this
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 can be beneficial for both
public
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the public
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 and states because it helps
to
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apply
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the flow of money in their community.
Furthermore
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, the young generation may have new innovations and constructive ideas which lead their nation
a
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to a
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place where it is full of
prouds
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pride
 and accomplishments.
This
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 may not occur as long as the rate of
the
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apply
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elderly
people
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 is in
a
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apply
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high quantity,as the brain of individuals
is getting
Wrong verb form
get
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 weaker when
thay
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they
 are
aging
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ageing
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. It is fair to mention that there are some demerits
for
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to
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this
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 issue as well. First and foremost, the more populated a city is with a large number of young citizens, the less experienced workers there are in many sorts of businesses, which results in a whole host of damage
in
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to
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 their companies, including getting into
debts
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debt
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 and not having sufficient experience with regard to that problem.
This
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 may lead those businesses to go bankrupt.
Moreover
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, through
this
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 trend, it is possible that a majority of nations place their attention on the young
people
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 more the the older ones, resulting in the reduction of life expectancy and the needs of senior
citizen
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citizens
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 being ignored.
To sum up
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, today, in comparison to the older generation, the number of the youth is increasing rapidly, which
cause
Correct subject-verb agreement
causes
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 some difficulties
such
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 as reducing the age of being survived in a society and the ignorance towards the older ones.
Nevertheless
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, it seems the merits of
this
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 issue
outwigh
Correct your spelling
outweigh
it
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its
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 demerits. The benefits include making profits by means of achieving money to increase the economy and obtaining
prouds
Correct your spelling
pride
 for their own nations by innovating.

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task achievement
To enhance your essay, consider weaving in more specific examples or statistics to strengthen your arguments about young populations boosting the economy. Concrete examples make essays more compelling.
task achievement
Try to give a bit more balance by providing specific examples or scenarios of how an aging workforce impacts businesses. This might further support your point about disadvantages. Also, it could make your argument about life expectancy and elder care more vivid.
coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph logically builds on the previous one. For example, transition phrases could connect ideas about economic growth and innovation more smoothly.
introduction conclusion present
The essay is well-structured with a clear introduction, body, and conclusion section. This provides a strong framework, supporting the reader in understanding your argument.
complete response
You have addressed both advantages and disadvantages of the subject, showing a balanced point of view, which strengthens your task achievement.
clear comprehensive ideas
Good use of comparative language to discuss the relative sizes of the younger and older populations in specific nations, adding depth to your argument.

Answer the 'Advantages and Disadvantages' topic

IELTS advantages and disadvantages questions normally give you a statement and ask you to comment on the advantages and disadvantages of that statement.

Answer structure for the type of essay

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – advantages
  • Body paragraph 2 – disadvantages
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • The main advantage is...
  • The disadvantage of this...
  • The main benefit...
  • Despite these advantages...
  • One possible drawback...

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Demographic
  • Workforce
  • Economic expansion
  • Innovation
  • Adaptable
  • Social and cultural innovation
  • Welfare systems
  • Medical and social care
  • Technological adoption
  • Competition
  • Educational institutions
  • Social instability
  • Resource allocation
  • Elderly care
  • Valuable experience and wisdom
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