Some children spend hours every day on their smartphones. Why is this the case? Is it a positive or negative trend?
In the modern years, one of the widely discussed issues are decrease in the hours of sleep. I believe that the reason is
appearance
of electricity, like mobile phones, Add an article
the appearance
laptop
, social media Fix the agreement mistake
laptops
and
etc. It is undeniable that they earn Correct word choice
apply
cashes
, Change the wording
cash
amounts of cash
flows of cash
fistfuls of cash
while
we lose our precious time of
Change preposition
for
nap
and it has become an essential part of our Fix the agreement mistake
naps
life
.
One of the main causes of our lack of sleep is increased screen time Fix the agreement mistake
lives
due to
smartphones, computers and TVs disrupts melatonin production, delaying sleep onset. It is a result of sleeplessness. The second cause that might be noted, in my view, is availability
of entertainment, online shopping, and global communication encourages late-night activities.
The first cause mentioned above has led to difficulty falling asleep and poorer sleep quality. That all provoked Add an article
the availability
increased
risk of heart disease and contributed to Correct article usage
an increased
weak
immune system, making people more prone to illnesses. Another Correct article usage
a weak
problems
that follows is increasing levels of stress Replace the adjective
problem
due to
work, education, and personal life interfere
with the ability to relax and sleep. One of the consequences of Wrong verb form
interfering
this
is high
likelihood of anxiety, depression, and mood swings.
Having weighed everything mentioned up, we can come to Add an article
a high
a
conclusion that the modern lifestyle, characterized by technological advancements, cultural shifts, and increasing demands on time, has significantly reduced the amount of sleep people get compared to the past. So it would not be surprising to see some comparable issues in the near future. Correct article usage
the
In other words
, overtiredness might happen again and we should be ready to bear all the consequences of that.Submitted by dnm.best on
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Task Response
Try to stay focused on the specific question being asked. The essay begins with discussing the decrease in sleep hours instead of addressing children's smartphone use and its effects. Align your content more closely with the assignment prompt.
Coherence and Cohesion
To strengthen coherence, make sure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Sometimes, the ideas feel a little disconnected.
Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points, particularly when discussing the negative effects. This can make your argument more convincing.
Coherence and Cohesion
Your introduction and conclusion are clearly present, providing a strong framework for your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
You address multiple causes and effects in a logical manner, demonstrating a clear understanding of the topic at hand.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.