In many countries, an increase in crime has be blamed on violent images on television and in computer games. To what extend do you agree

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Nowadays,

crimes

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are increasing almost in every country. In many nations, some people believe that a growth in

crimes

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due to

Linking Words

violet photos seen on screens and in computer games. In my opinion,

although

Linking Words

some people think so, I completely disagree with

this

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view because

crimes

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are caused by bad upbringing and unemployment. First of all, I do not believe that

rise

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the rise

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offense

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offence

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due to

Linking Words

violet

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violent

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images on television and computer games

instead

Linking Words

it is

bad

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the bad

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upbringing that

cause

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causes

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it. Parents do not always tell their young ones about what is right and wrong as they are growing up. They grow up knowing that they have a right to everything

especially

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, especially

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the rich kids. Once their babies fail to get what they want in life, they end up looking for different

way

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ways

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of satisfying their needs.

For example

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, research done by Joyce at Bugema University shows that most of the

adolescent

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adolescents

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who

come

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comes

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from rich homes end up committing

offenses

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offences

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since they don't have control.

Hence

Linking Words

committing

crimes

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Secondly

Linking Words

high

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the high

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crime rate is caused by unemployment in most countries.

That is

Linking Words

to say, when individuals have an idol mind, they think of working any type of

jobs

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job

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without minding how dangerous it can be.

Furthermore

Linking Words

, since being jobless can lead to poverty, many individuals end up helpless and they start to

committe

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commit

offense

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offenses

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such

Linking Words

that they survive rather than

starving

Wrong verb form

starve

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For instance

Linking Words

, my friends ended up in prison

as a result

Linking Words

of stealing someone's money. When asked, she said it was because she needed money

for surviving

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to survive

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as she was unemployed. In conclusion, even though some believe that

high

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the high

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rate

offenses

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of offenses

show examples

Linking Words

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apply

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a result of watching aggressive photos on screen

as well as

Linking Words

video games, I completely disagree because it is caused by not working and poor

rising

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raising

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of babies. The government and parents should

put

Verb problem

take

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these points into consideration.

jmeeme5Wed Dec 04 2024

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Task Response

Consider addressing potential counterarguments more clearly to strengthen your position and show deeper analysis.

Coherence and Cohesion

Make sure that each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next, ensuring a more fluid reading experience.

Task Achievement

Use more precise language to describe examples or add more detailed, concrete examples to enhance the argument.

Task Response

Your essay presents a clear and strong opinion throughout, maintaining consistent arguments.

Coherence and Cohesion

The introduction effectively introduces the topic and your stance, and the conclusion succinctly summarizes your argument.

Coherence and Cohesion

Each paragraph is focused on a single idea, aiding comprehension.

13
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
21
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 6.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

314 words

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Topic Vocabulary:

correlation
aggressive behavior
desensitization
copycat effect
media literacy
violent imagery
scapegoat
media consumption
psychological impact
content rating
parental supervision
media influence
computer games
behavioral studies
socio-economic factors

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