IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

The diagram shows the skeletal systems of two ancestors of human beings Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The diagram shows the skeletal systems of two ancestors of human beings Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#systems #two #ancestors #beings #summarise #information #features #comparisons
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The diagram illustrates changes in today's and ancient
person's
Fix the agreement mistake
people's
show examples
body
Use synonyms
 skeletons.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 the Australopithecus afarensis
body
Use synonyms
 completely changed till now and all bones come to the other side. At the outset, if the old ancestor had
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 unbalanced head with a long snout, the modern human had a balanced and short mouse.
Moreover
Linking Words
, low and wide shoulders came from high and narrow ones,though wide chests changed in millions of years to narrow chest bones.
Although
Linking Words
 the long forearm,femoral neck and toes were ordinary for the former
body
Use synonyms
, the short forearm,femoral neck,and toes are common for Homo erectus.
Nevertheless
Linking Words
, the tree climber (old
body
Use synonyms
) had short and wide waists,and short Anchilles tendons,despite
endurance
Correct article usage
the endurance
show examples
 runner (ordinary person) having tall and narrow waists, and long Anchilles tendons respectively. In spite of the gluteus maximus,hip,knee and ankle joints,the
heelbone
Correct your spelling
heel bone
show examples
were
Change the verb form
was
show examples
 small in the
body
Use synonyms
 of tree climber,these bones' changes show larger parts of skeletal systems,which are developed
humans
Change preposition
in humans
show examples
.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, the Partial foot arch (former human) changed to a stabilized foot arch (letters).
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Add more body paragraphs.
▼
Basic structure: Write more paragraphs.
▼
Vocabulary: Replace the words body with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: Only 4 basic words for charts were used.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "changes" was used 5 times.
▼
What to do next:
Look at other essays: