IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

In many countries today people are choosing to have fewer children. Why is this the cause? What are the effects of this trend on the society?

#countries #people #children #effects #trend #society
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When listening to
grand parents'
Correct your spelling
grandparents'
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 stories about their marriage, they would always
refere
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refer
 to their
aspire
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aspiration
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 to have several
children
Use synonyms
.
Although
Linking Words
,these days,
people
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tended
Wrong verb form
tend
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 to have one or two
children
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.
This
Linking Words
 phenomenon seems to have reasons , and a number of effects, which
is
Correct subject-verb agreement
are
show examples
 going to be discussed here. One reason for having
less
Change the quantifier
fewer
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children
Use synonyms
 is that
people
Use synonyms
 are more sure about their futures. In the past,
people
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 were thoughtful about their older ages when they might not find someone to help or to stay beside them.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it was a strategy of
old- time
Correct your spelling
old-time
show examples
people
Use synonyms
 for supporting themselves.
Second,
Linking Words
pecuniary challenges do not leave enough time for
people
Use synonyms
 to have more
children
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. Today,
for
Change preposition
to
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financiang
Correct your spelling
financing
 their lives, both
man
Fix the agreement mistake
men
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 and women have to work, and in
this
Linking Words
 situation, they are reluctant to have more
children
Use synonyms
 whose nurturing is remarkably costly. The effects of
this
Linking Words
 problem can both
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
societies and partners can be
quit
Correct your spelling
quite
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 serious.
Firstly
Linking Words
, in the future, the lack of
workforce
Correct article usage
a workforce
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 to handle
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society will be a challenging issue.
Consequently
Linking Words
, governments have to accept more immigrants. Though
this
Linking Words
 can be a good idea for solving the problem, a portion of immigrants might
tended
Change the verb form
tend
show examples
 to cause problems for the natives. As
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
can be seen, in Austria, the majority of serious crimes are committed by refugees.
Finally
Linking Words
,
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
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 couples need emotional support
by
Change preposition
from
show examples
 those who
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 close-
knitt
Correct your spelling
knit
Submitted by faraisam33 on

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conclusion
Improve the conclusion by summarizing key points and implications of the trend. Add a complete ending to your essay instead of leaving it unfinished.
coherence
Enhance coherence by ensuring all sentences within a paragraph relate directly to the main idea and linking sentences smoothly between paragraphs.
task achievement
Enhance task achievement by providing more detailed explanations and a wider range of specific examples for your points.
task achievement
The essay effectively identifies reasons why people are choosing to have fewer children, such as economic factors and changes in personal life goals.
coherence
The essay provides a logical structure, with distinct paragraphs addressing reasons and effects of the trend.
task achievement
Uses specific real-world examples to illustrate effects, such as the example of Austria and its immigration challenges.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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