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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Discuss the advantages and disadvantages of living and working in a foreign country.

#country
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In recent times, the world is evidencing migration to foreign countries for education, employment, improved lifestyle and so on. Relocating from one nation to another for work,
living
Correct word choice
and living
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 is like two sides of the same coin with its own advantages and disadvantages which will be
enlightened
Verb problem
explained
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 in
this
Linking Words
 essay
further
Linking Words
. To commence with,
as a result
Linking Words
 of poverty, unemployment and low
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
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 in their own
nations
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, the youth and skilled workers from many third world
nations
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 nowadays are migrating to the western
nations
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 in search of better
life
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 and employment prospects. Notably, the developed
western
Capitalize word
Western
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nations
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 are known to provide good jobs,
higher
Correct word choice
and higher
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salary
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salaries
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 leading to
better
Add an article
a better
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 quality of
life
Use synonyms
.
As a result
Linking Words
, moving abroad helps the immigrants to get
top quality
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top-quality
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 educational facilities,
high
Correct word choice
apply
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payment jobs and in turn lead a
luxury
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luxurious
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life
Use synonyms
.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
in contrast
Linking Words
 to
few
Correct article usage
a few
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 Asian countries, the
western
Capitalize word
Western
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culture
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 is known for maintaining a good
work
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work-life
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life
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 balance which indeed improves one’s lifestyle.
Additionally
Linking Words
, these
western
Capitalize word
Western
show examples
nations
Use synonyms
 are equipped with state-of-the-art medical facilities.
This
Linking Words
 improves the
life
Use synonyms
 span of all individuals. To top it on, these
western
Capitalize word
Western
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nations
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 are less densely populated with low poverty levels,
are
Correct word choice
and are
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 less polluted in comparison to underdeveloped and developing countries.
Overall
Linking Words
, all these factors prove a boon for
people
Use synonyms
 living abroad.
Conversely
Linking Words
, living or working abroad comes with numerous disadvantages. Not all immigrants have their family members living with them.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
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 of these
people
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 live alone and in the span of time face loneliness. Loneliness, lack of emotional support,
disconnection
Correct word choice
and disconnection
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 from family and
friend
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friends
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 can lead to depression which
make
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makes
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 it difficult to stay happy.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, living abroad results in disconnection with one’s own
culture
Use synonyms
.
For instance
Linking Words
,
people
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 who have been living abroad for many years tend to forget their cultural roots
,
Correct word choice
and, significance
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significance
Add an article
the significance
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 of their cultural festivals eventually disregarding
their
Change the word
the
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culture
Use synonyms
 in which they grew
.
Change preposition
up.
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 Some of these individuals even look down upon the
people
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 of their own country with
inferiority
Add an article
an inferiority
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 complex. Another disadvantage of great significance is that the
western
Capitalize word
Western
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culture
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 is highly individualistic
where
Correct word choice
and
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people
Use synonyms
 are not quite friendly with foreign migrants resulting in serious concerns like racism. To recapitulate,
although
Linking Words
 the lifestyle in abroad
nations
Use synonyms
 is quite modern and luring, the disadvantages cannot be ignored and must be given a thought before planning to move abroad.
Submitted by vaishnavivardekar2209 on

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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear, singular focus and avoids straying into unrelated topics. This will help tighten the logical structure.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The essay contains a clear introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the discussed topic.
task achievement
The main points are generally well-supported, with each point being elaborated upon adequately.
task achievement
Clear and comprehensive ideas are presented, making the response complete and relevant to the task.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • quality education
  • high standard of living
  • diverse cultures
  • strong healthcare system
  • career advancement
  • safe and stable environment
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