It is compulsory for children to attend school between the ages of 5 and 16. Many people are in favour of raising the age at which children must start their schooling to 6 or 7, and the age at which they are allowed to stop to 17 or 18. People of this view believe teenagers would gain more from staying in school longer. To what extent do you agree with this view?
It is beneficial for teenagers
staying
in Change the verb form
to stay
school
longer. Therefore
, I agree on raising school
age for children to 6 or 7 and allowing Correct article usage
the school
they
to stop at 17 or 18. I think Correct pronoun usage
them
this
proposed age range will make children could
spend more time with Verb problem
apply
the
parents Change the word
their
while
teenagers could enhance themselves in highschool
.
Correct your spelling
high school
First,
it is substantial giving young-adults
a lot of opportunities to develop themselves in a more complex situation. It will challenge them and giveCorrect your spelling
young adults
a
more real-life experience rather than Correct pronoun usage
them a
live
under Wrong verb form
living
mom
and Capitalize word
Mom
dad's
protection. By staying at Capitalize word
Dad's
school
longer, they will have more interaction with their peer and chances to explore more new things such
as join club
of hobbies.
Fix the agreement mistake
clubs
Second,
teenagers already expand theirselves
far more than their Correct your spelling
themselves
parents
world. They are more exposed to new things Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
such
as technology. In order to facilitate them in a condusive
environment to explore new things, home is not adequate enough. They need Correct your spelling
conducive
more
extensive environment, which can be provided by Correct article usage
a more
school
.
I have my own Add an article
the school
experinces
about Correct your spelling
experiences
experience
this
matter. When I was in junior school
and high school
, I had
became more enjoying myself and making friends. It Unnecessary verb
apply
hade
made me Correct your spelling
had
as
an adaptive person Change preposition
apply
comparet
to my big sister who had Correct your spelling
compared
restrained
to make friends in Verb problem
refused
school
. She become
a Change the verb form
becomes
narrow minded
person in her adult life.
We need Add a hyphen
narrow-minded
highly
Correct article usage
a highly
adapt
and Wrong verb form
adapted
open minded
new generation. Add a hyphen
open-minded
Therefore
, let them stay in school
longer than comfort them in
home.Change preposition
at
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sentence structure
Improve sentence structure and clarity in expressing ideas. For instance, the sentence '...parents while teenagers could enhance themselves in highschool' can be rephrased for clarity.
logical progression
Enhance logical progression by clearly linking ideas. For example, explain how staying longer in school specifically leads to better opportunities.
conclusion strength
Develop the conclusion to give a stronger summary of your arguments, reinforcing your stance clearly.
use of examples
Included personal experience which strengthened argument and provided relevant examples.
balanced argument
Balanced argument with both benefits and personal evidence, which makes the essay engaging and relatable.
introduction effectiveness
Introduction clearly states the position and sets the context for the discussion, guiding the reader effectively.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.