IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Today many parents force rhier children to study all kinds of courses in the early age . What are the reason behind this.? What effects do you think this practice would bring to gbs children?

#parents #force #rhier #children #study #kinds #courses #age #reason #effects #practice #gbs
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These days, most
parents
Use synonyms
 tend to put pressure on their
children
Use synonyms
 to attend
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
several
courses
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.
This
Linking Words
 condition seems to have two main causes, and a number of effects, which we will discuss here. Possibly, the main reason is the competition in schools. Usually, from
parent's
Correct article usage
a parent's
show examples
 perspective, if a child gains
significant
Add an article
a significant
show examples
 amount of information
in
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at
show examples
his
Change the word
an
show examples
 early
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
, he may perform well later in the next stages, and he will be able to keep up with various
rivalry
Fix the agreement mistake
rivalries
show examples
 in the school. A
further
Linking Words
well-know
Correct your spelling
well-known
show examples
 cause is that
parents
Use synonyms
 want to satisfy their unfulfilled desires
by
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their youngsters.
This
Linking Words
 is observable among those couples who could not proceed in their education. In fact, by enrolling their
children
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 in various
courses
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, They want to soothe their wishes. The effects of
this
Linking Words
 issue on
children
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 can be quite serious.
Firstly
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
their
Change the word
an
show examples
 early
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age
show examples
,
children
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 should not
burden
Wrong verb form
be burdened
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heavy
Change preposition
with heavy
show examples
 responsibilities. As long as every course
would have
Wrong verb form
has
show examples
 its homework and deadline;
children
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 will be under
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
pressure and anxiety to keep up with
courses
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.
Consequently
Linking Words
, if the stress is omnipresent for a long time, it might result in depression because the main reason
of
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for
show examples
 depression is being under stressed conditions for a long period of time.
Finally
Linking Words
, Everything cannot be
tought
Correct your spelling
taught
 in the
courses
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.
Children
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 have to learn about
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
 challenges
such
Linking Words
 as apt social
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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, how to react in difficult situations ,or how to manage their lives, which require
to experience
Change the verb form
experiencing
show examples
them
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
in
a real situations
Correct the article-noun agreement
real situations
a real situation
show examples
.
Parents
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 deprive their youngsters
from
Change the preposition
of
show examples
 learning
of
Change preposition
about
show examples
real life
Add a hyphen
real-life
show examples
 issues.
Overall
Linking Words
, competition in the schools
as well as
Linking Words
parents
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' unrealized wishes would be the main reason for encouraging their
children
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 to enroll in several
courses
Use synonyms
, which might result in depression and unrealistic life expectations in their adulthood.
Submitted by faraisam33 on

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Task Achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points. This will help make your argument more compelling and concrete.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to the next. Linking words and phrases can help improve the flow of your essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
Add a clear concluding paragraph to summarize your main points and restate your position on the topic.
Task Achievement
The essay provides a clear response to the task, addressing both causes and effects of the issue.
Coherence and Cohesion
The introduction effectively sets up the topic and provides an overview of the essay's structure.
Coherence and Cohesion
The essay presents a logical structure with cause and effect clearly delineated.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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