IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010.

The pie charts below show the average household expenditures in Japan and Malaysia in the year 2010.
#show #household #expenditures #japan #malaysia #year
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The pie charts provide data about
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
two countries
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 expenses of five five household sectors in the year 2010.
Overall
Linking Words
,
it is clear that
Linking Words
 in both two
countries
Add a comma
countries,
show examples
Japan
Use synonyms
 and
Malasia
Correct your spelling
Malaysia
figure's
Change noun form
figures
show examples
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 other
good
Fix the agreement mistake
goods
show examples
 and services experienced the highest outgoings. Interestingly, the lowest trend in
health
Correct article usage
the health
show examples
 care sector
witnessed
Add a missing verb
was witnessed
show examples
 in both countries in 2010. In detail, the residence sector
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
accounted for 21%
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
Use synonyms
Japan
Replace the word
Japanese
show examples
 expenditure
while
Linking Words
 in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 trends rapidly increased much more than Japanese , with 34% of the total.
In contrast
Linking Words
 , the payments
of
Change preposition
for
show examples
 food
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 seen
24
Change preposition
at 24
show examples
% in
Japan
Use synonyms
 before an increase
by
Change preposition
of
show examples
 roughly 3% in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
. Turning to less expenditures in two places in 2010. Transport and health care in
Japan
Use synonyms
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
were from 20% and 6% to expenses
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
decreased slightly
3
Change preposition
by 3
show examples
% and 10% respectively.
Finally
Linking Words
 ,
category
Correct article usage
the category
show examples
 of other food and services stood at 29%
in contrast
Linking Words
 declined with about 26% in
Malaysia
Use synonyms
 in 2010.
Submitted by Writing9 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "in contrast".
▼
Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Vocabulary: Replace the words japan, malaysia with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "trend" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "about" was used 2 times.
▼
Topic Vocabulary:
  • household expenditures
  • proportion
  • cultural differences
  • economic differences
  • living standards
  • real estate market
  • public transportation
  • private transportation
  • infrastructure
  • government healthcare policies
  • quality of life
  • holistic view
  • inflation
  • economic growth
  • societal norms
  • globalization
  • communication expenses
  • education expenses
What to do next:
Look at other essays: