IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Letter to request loan or financial assistance from bank

I am writing formally to request
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
financial assistance from your esteemed organization. It has been a privilege to be a member of your
bank
Use synonyms
since
Change preposition
for
show examples
 15 years. I really appreciate your support and services to the customers. Recently, I decided to pursue my advanced research in Master’s of Science from the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
show examples
reputed University of Toronto Ontario.
Due to
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
 reason, I require a student loan of $20,000 from your
bank
Use synonyms
 to pay my tuition fees.
In addition
Linking Words
,
currently
Add a comma
currently,
show examples
 I
employed
Add a missing verb
am employed
show examples
 as a “Data Analyst” in the “Zudio Software” with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 monthly salary of $5000.
Besides
Linking Words
 the earnings, I prefer
bank
Use synonyms
 finances to become more flexible as repaying the debt would be
more
Change the word
apply
show examples
easier rather than using the savings for fees.
Furthermore
Linking Words
 , I have 980 credit scores that demonstrate
the
Correct article usage
an
show examples
 excellent credit history.
Also
Linking Words
, I attach my employment letter, recent pay
studs
Correct your spelling
stubs
show examples
 and
bank
Use synonyms
 statements.
It
Correct pronoun usage
I
show examples
 would be grateful if you could review my application process and facilitate
me
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
further
Linking Words
 guidance on the next steps. Please feel free to contact me for additional information or clarification. Thank you for your time and consideration. Yours faithfully, Sarab

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task achievement
Ensure to correct small inaccuracies and typographical errors for a polished presentation. For instance, 'the the' should be 'the'. Ensure consistency in letter format as well.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the cohesion by slightly improving the transition between paragraphs or sections to maintain a seamless flow for the reader.
task achievement
The letter clearly states the purpose and the amount of financial support required, adhering well to the task requirements.
coherence cohesion
Solid introduction and conclusion, framing the letter effectively while maintaining a formal tone throughout.
coherence cohesion
Logical structure maintained with clear sections detailing employment status, income, and credit score to support the loan request.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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