IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

These days it is neither possible nor desirable for most people to stay in the same job throughout their working life. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?

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Introduction
Most
people
Use synonyms
 nowadays find that staying in one
job
Use synonyms
 for the entire of their working life is neither feasible nor desirable.
This
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 essay strongly agrees with
this
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 statement
due to
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 technological change or
people
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 looking for a suitable
job
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.
Body paragraph 1
People
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 currently have to learn various skills and knowledge to avoid the elimination of technology, under the rapid technological development, many
jobs
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 with various roles were obsoleted.
As a result
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, millions of
people
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 working in a wide range of kinds of occupations must change
in
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apply
show examples
their
jobs
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 or
started
Wrong verb form
start
show examples
 to learn other majors suitable with the updated technology recently.
For example
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, my uncle stayed committed as a technology engineer, but underwent Artificial intelligence exploration, his role was altered by AI leading to his switching
jobs
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.
Body paragraph 2
On top of that, some are looking for financial freedom or simply career advancement. The majority of
people
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 are stuck in their
jobs
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 with stable incomes and challenging to be promoted in their ladder
of
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apply
show examples
career.
Therefore
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 changing
jobs
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 can provide better opportunities for progression and personal growth. My country is a case point,
according to
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 the statistics in 2020, nearly 60% of employees after working for 5 years decided to change their major.
In addition
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, the young generation
also
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 has a tendency to switch in employment to follow their passion and interests that are suitable for their trait and characters.
This
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 reason could be a motivation for them to develop their skills in the
job
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 chosen.
For instance
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, most of my graduated friends changed to other occupations like artists, singers,
IT
Correct word choice
and IT
show examples
, which is shared appropriately with themselves.
Conclusion
In conclusion, a large workforce is constantly changed by technological machines and artificial intelligence,
however
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, a part
choose
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chooses
show examples
 to work in their
favorite
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favourite
show examples
 and ambitious major facilitating the rate of
job
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 shifting.

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coherence cohesion
Work on ensuring your ideas are clearly linked and maintain a smooth flow throughout your essay. Try to avoid overcomplicating sentence structures that might cause confusion.
task achievement
Make sure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that you provide sufficient explanation and support to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly outlines your stance on the topic.
task achievement
The essay includes relevant and specific examples to support your points, such as your uncle's experience with AI.
Your opinion

Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.

If the question asks what you think, you MUST give your opinion to get a good score.

Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.

Here are examples of instructions that require you to give your opinion:

...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • career advancement
  • personal growth
  • technological advancements
  • job satisfaction
  • financial stability
  • skill diversification
  • versatile employees
  • economic factors
  • industry shifts
  • work-life balance
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