IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Internet social media have become very popular. To what extent do you think this is a good or bad thing? Why do you think this is the case? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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It is undeniable that
Correct article usage
the advance
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advance
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advances
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of
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in
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 technology
has
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have
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 influenced
for
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apply
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almost every
fields
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field
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 of our daily basis, including contributing
the
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to the
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 way we socialize. the
appereance
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appearance
 of new social
media
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bring
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brings
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 both advantages and disadvantages. I think in practically, the drawbacks
outweight
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outweigh
 of advantages.
This
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 essay will examine some reasons why social
media
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 is
bad
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a bad
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 thing.
To begin
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 with, there
are
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is
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 some
reason
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reasons
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 why social
media
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 like
tiktok
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TikTok
,
instagram
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Instagram
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, X and
other
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others
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sosial
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social
media
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 bring
the
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apply
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negative impacts.
Firstly
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, social
media
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make
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makes
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people
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 become
individual
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individuals
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.
According to
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 research by Thomas Van in 2020, mentioned that
people
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 spend their
time
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 in social
media
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 is 7
hours
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 per day. if calculated correctly,
people
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 will spend
time
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 6-8
hours
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for
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apply
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sleeping, 9
hours
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for
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apply
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working,
the
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and the
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 rest of
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time
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the time
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 will spent
socialize
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socialising
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 around 0-2
hours
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.
Additionally
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, social
media
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 impacted
to
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apply
show examples
productivity.
Reseach
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Research
 by
Dr.
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Dr
show examples
 Stevany in 2022, mentioned that social
media
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designed
Add a missing verb
is designed
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 to scroll down and up to
triger
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trigger
 some
neuron
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neurons
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 in our
pupil
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pupils
show examples
 leading to
stay
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staying
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 up and addicted. I think not everyone
has
Verb problem
is
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concious
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aware
 of
awarness
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awareness
 with
this
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 algorithm,
however
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 in fact
that
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apply
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everyone will enjoy
to scroll
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scrolling
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 up and down the content on social
media
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.
For example
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, I found so many
people
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 playing with their
phone
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phones
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open
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and open
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 the
cosial
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social
media
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instead
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 of other apps like
gmail
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Gmail
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,
trelo
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tremolo
Trello
tree
, and other productive apps. What I
means
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mean
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 by
that is
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instead
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 of doing something
importants
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important
people
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 choose
spent
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to spend
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 their
time
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in
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on
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 screen especially
social
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on social
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media
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, leading to
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
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 productivity. In conclusion, social
media
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 impacts the way
people
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 interact with others, but from some
reseach
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research
 and my experience,
that
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apply
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social
media
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 like Instagram, Tiktok, and others
brings
Verb problem
have
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 some negative impacts, including
make
Wrong verb form
making
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people
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 become
indivial
Correct your spelling
individuals
, and
decline
Wrong verb form
declining
show examples
 our productivity.

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coherence cohesion
Try to outline your argument more clearly in the introduction to guide the reader through your essay. You have presented an opinion, but it could be elaborated further to clarify your stance and the direction of your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that you establish a more explicit connection between your arguments and your examples in order to enhance the logical flow of your essay. This will make your response stronger and more cohesive.
general language
Pay attention to grammar and vocabulary to avoid small inaccuracies, such as 'outweight' instead of 'outweigh,' and 'sosial' instead of 'social.' These small errors can slightly distract the reader, even though I don't lower grades for them.
coherence cohesion
Add some transitions and linking words between sentences and paragraphs to improve the flow. Transitions will help readers follow your argument more easily.
task achievement
Your task response is generally sufficient, but try to address more explicitly to what extent you believe the drawbacks outweigh the advantages. This will help clarify your position.
task achievement
Your essay includes relevant and specific examples which support your argument, such as the research by Thomas Van and Dr. Stevany. This adds credibility to your response and shows insightful engagement with the topic.
coherence cohesion
You effectively conclude the essay by summarizing the main points and reiterating your stance on the topic.
task achievement
The essay addresses both the positive and negative aspects of social media, demonstrating a balanced consideration of the topic before concluding the argument.
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