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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The graphs below show the total percentage of films released and the total percentage of ticket sales in 1996 and 2006 in a country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.

The graphs below show the total percentage of films released and the total percentage of ticket sales in 1996 and 2006 in a country. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
#graphs #show #percentage #films #ticket #sales #country #information #features #comparisons
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The bar graphs
illustrates
Change the verb form
illustrate
show examples
 the total percentage of films
releases
Wrong verb form
released
show examples
 and the total of ticket
sales
Use synonyms
 in 1996 and 2006 in a country.
Overall
Linking Words
, the most type
genre
Change preposition
of genre
show examples
that
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
released
Add a missing verb
is released
show examples
 is
drama
Use synonyms
,
Linking Words
however
Add a comma
however,
show examples
 the
popular
Correct quantifier usage
most popular
show examples
Use synonyms
movies
Fix the agreement mistake
movie
show examples
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 country is
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
Use synonyms
comedy
Fix the agreement mistake
comedies
show examples
. In terms
on
Change preposition
of
show examples
 films released, it shows a significant
increased
Replace the word
increase
show examples
 in most of the genres except romance. The
drama
Use synonyms
movies
Use synonyms
 became the highest with over 25% in 1996 and increased to 35% in 2006.
This
Linking Words
 trend
also
Linking Words
 applied to
comedy
Use synonyms
 and
fantasy
Use synonyms
 with
comedy
Use synonyms
 from 20% to 25% and
fantasy
Use synonyms
 with around 12% to over 15% in 2006.
The romance
Correct article usage
Romance
show examples
movies
Use synonyms
 on the other
hands
Fix the agreement mistake
hand
show examples
,
shows
Correct subject-verb agreement
show
show examples
 a stable percentage over the years with only around 6%. Despite the
drama
Use synonyms
movies
Use synonyms
 being the highest film released, the most popular
Use synonyms
movies
Fix the agreement mistake
movie
show examples
 in
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 country is
comedy
Use synonyms
 with 20% ticket
sales
Use synonyms
 in 1996 and rose to around 23% in 2006.
Similarly
Linking Words
, the ticket
sales
Use synonyms
 in
drama
Use synonyms
 and
fantasy
Use synonyms
movies
Use synonyms
also
Linking Words
 rose with
drama
Use synonyms
approximately
Change preposition
from approximately
show examples
 15% to 16% and
fantasy
Use synonyms
 from around 3% to 4% in 2006.
In contrast
Linking Words
, the
sales
Use synonyms
 of romance
movies
Use synonyms
decrease
Wrong verb form
decreased
show examples
 from 5% in 1996 to less than 3% in 2006.
Submitted by salwaputrihardiyan on

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "also".
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Vocabulary: Rephrase your introduction. Words match: 83%.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words sales, drama, movies, comedy, fantasy with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Rephrase the word "percentage" in your introduction.
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Vocabulary: The word "shows" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "percentage" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "increased" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "around" was used 4 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • depict
  • significant increases/decreases
  • highlighting
  • drawing comparisons
  • discrepancies
  • notable trends
  • unexpected findings
  • anomalies
  • phenomenon
  • emphasizing
  • evolution
  • implications
  • producers
  • distributors
  • audiences
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