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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changes because of technology. In what way has technology affected the types of relationship people make? Has this become a positive or negative development?

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As a consequence
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 of technological advancements,
people
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 no longer communicate in the traditional way.
Majority
Correct article usage
The majority
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 of the
people
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 interact with
the
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apply
show examples
others using messaging and
video
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 calling systems available on many social media platforms. Technology has played a huge role in the way relationships are made and maintained these days, as it helps save
time
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 and
efforts
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effort
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 of travelling to meet
people
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. Contrastingly, it
also
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 poses some threats of fraudulent
behavior
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behaviour
show examples
.
This
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 essay will
dicuss
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discuss
 both the positive and the negative aspects in
further
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 detail. To commence with, the invention of wireless
communication
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 via
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the internet
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internet
Capitalize word
Internet
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 has completely changed the methods of
communication
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 used by
people
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.
This
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 technology allows
people
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 to
interaction
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interact
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 with their loved ones living miles
hassle free
Add a hyphen
hassle-free
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. It allows
communication
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 with the
flexibity
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flexibility
 of
time
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 and location. In comparison to the older methods of
communication
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 via letters and telegrams, the newer
techonology
Correct your spelling
technology
 is highly efficient without any significant delay. The
flexibity
Correct your spelling
flexibility
 of
time
Use synonyms
 and place helps to nurture and maintain their emotional bonds and helps reduce loneliness which develops
as a result
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 of living away from one’s own family and busy lives.
As a result
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, the bonds grow stronger.
Moreover
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,
video
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 calling over the
internet
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Internet
show examples
,
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apply
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 is beneficial for business and trade as well where business meetings can now be held online,
thus
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 saving both effort and money. For illustration, during the COVID-19 pandemic,
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video calling
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video-calling
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 systems helped
people
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 to keep in touch with their families. It is worth noting that, during
this
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 same
time
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, schools were
also
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 functioning over
the
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apply
show examples
video
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 calling platforms. On the flip side, there are some negative aspects to these
change
Fix the agreement mistake
changes
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 in the interaction. Despite the fact that
people
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 talk to their
closed
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close
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 ones daily, the physical touch and warmth required to build an emotional bond
is
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are
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 lacking.
This
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 sometimes leads to feeling insecure and disconnected from their partners.
Additionally
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, there is an increase in incidents of fraudulent
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
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 and blackmailing for money.
For example
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, the younger generation interacts with unknown
people
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 across the globe without knowing their real identity. Eventually,
few
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a few
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 of these young citizens share their personal information and end up being blackmailed for not leaking
this
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 information. In a nutshell, changes in the ways of
communication
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has
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have
show examples
 many benefits as it is easy, accessible and efficient. Feelings of insecurity, lack of warmth and risks of
frauds
Fix the agreement mistake
fraud
show examples
 are some of the demerits. Analyzing both
the
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apply
show examples
sides, it is undeniable that adopting the new ways of
communication
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 serves many benefits as compared to the threats.

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spelling grammar
Ensure to proofread the essay to correct minor spelling and grammatical errors such as 'dicuss', 'techonology', and 'flexibity'.
vocabulary
Maintain consistent use of vocabulary. For instance, 'flexibity' should be 'flexibility'. This would further improve coherence and flow.
supporting argument
Try to give more specific examples to support your points, especially when talking about the negative impacts, which would enhance the clarity and depth of the essay.
balanced view
The essay provides a balanced view by discussing both positive and negative developments of technology on communication.
structure
The introduction and conclusion are clear and well-structured, effectively setting the stage and summarizing the main points.
transitions
Good use of transitional phrases to guide the reader through the argument, enhancing the logical flow of ideas.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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