IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

The number of people who are at risk of serious health problems due to being overweigh is increasing. What is the reason for the growth in overweigh people? How can this problem be solved?

It has been universally acknowledged that health-related issues are escalating
due to
Linking Words
 obesity at an alarming rate in the current scenario.
This
Linking Words
 problem has been of a depressing magnitude.
Although
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 many reasons exist, some sensible solutions are
also
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 available to curb the grave concern. Commencing with the causes that are responsible for its growth. The first reason is the easy availability of fast
food
Use synonyms
. To demonstrate, McDonald's, a burger brand, is found on almost every street
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the United States of America. The second contributing factor is the cheapness. Most people cannot afford a healthy diet as it costs twice the amount they pay for street
food
Use synonyms
, particularly vegetables.
Therefore
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,
instead
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 of buying
such
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 expensive veggies that shake the budget of especially middle-class families, fast
food
Use synonyms
 is a convenient option. To solve
this
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 serious issue, some measures can be taken. The government should foster local farming, which will help people to consume a healthy diet within their budget. To illustrate, China gave extra facilities like discounted agricultural products and free water supply to the farmers, which gave rise to local farming.
In addition
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 to
this
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, proper education should be distributed, especially to youngsters, about the illness caused by junk
food
Use synonyms
, and A campaign should be managed by the higher authorities, providing free gym training.
As a consequence
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, people will start living a healthier lifestyle. To recapitulate, unquestionably, the problem of obesity has become a burning question of the day.
Therefore
Linking Words
, it is not an easy task to solve
this
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.
However
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, if the government draws its concern by fostering local farming and through proper education,
this
Linking Words
 concern can be coped with in no time.

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task achievement
Consider providing a clearer overview of the main points you will discuss in your introduction.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear topic sentence that reflects the main idea of that paragraph.
task achievement
Include more specific examples and data to substantiate your claims about obesity and its causes.
task achievement
The essay addresses the topic effectively and presents both causes and solutions for obesity.
coherence and cohesion
Your writing demonstrates a good use of paragraphs to separate ideas clearly, enhancing readability.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • processed foods
  • nutrition
  • obesity
  • physical activity
  • public health
  • subsidizing
  • active commuting
  • genetic predisposition
  • dietary habits
  • fast food
  • awareness campaigns
  • healthcare support
  • economic factors
  • policy implementation
  • community involvement
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