IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people believe that a crime is a result of social problems and poverty, others think that crime is a result of bad person's nature. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #crime #poverty #person #nature
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In today's world,
crime
 rates are increasing day by day
due to
 various reasons.Some individuals say that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
social
issues
 and
poverty
 are the main factors of a
crime
.Others believe that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
improper characters is the foremost
problemsof
Correct your spelling
problems of
problem of
 a
crime
.
This
 essay will elaborate
both
Change preposition
on both
show examples
 these points of view and argue in favour of the latter.
To begin
 with, In
this
 era,
population
Correct article usage
the population
show examples
 rate is
raising
Correct your spelling
rising
show examples
 as the days go
.
Rephrase
by.
show examples
Hence
,the individual cannot afford to live in the
society
.
As a result
,they will engage in some unusual activities to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their needs.For
instances
Fix the agreement mistake
instance
show examples
,In
india
Change the capitalization
India
show examples
,the survey shows that
crime
 rates have increased to 45
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
.It is noticed that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
the
crime
 is mainly done by the humans who are in the level of
poverty
 and social
issues
.
For
Change preposition
To
show examples
 overcome these unlawful activities.It is important to take some measures for
poverty
as well as
 social
issues
. On the other side,the way of living is
also
 an important
causes
Change the noun form
cause
show examples
 of
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
.some citizens are living in a
stressfull
Correct your spelling
stressful
 situation.
As a result
,they will try to express their behaviour in bad ways and
this
 will affect other individuals in
society
.The
unproper
Correct your spelling
improper
 behaviour highly
influeuence
Correct your spelling
influences
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
people to engage in a
crime
.
For example
,In recent years ,In India,
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
 accident
caseS
Correct your spelling
cases
show examples
has
Wrong verb form
have been
show examples
 reported
about
Change preposition
by about
show examples
 14
percentage
Replace the word
per cent
show examples
due to
Correct article usage
the oversPeed
show examples
oversPeed
Correct your spelling
overspeed
show examples
 of private vehicles .These incidents
end up
Verb problem
result
show examples
 in more accidents and injuries to other people.
This
 is mainly
due to
bad
Correct article usage
the bad
show examples
 mentality
to
Change preposition
of
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
 and unawareness of good
behaviourS
Correct your spelling
behaviour
.The proper behaviours and personalities should
be learn
Change the verb form
be learning
be learned
show examples
 from their parents.
This
 will help the individual to live in a better person in the
society
. In conclusion,social
issues
 and
poverty
 need to be considered to reduce the
crime
 in the
society
.
However
,I believe that good
behaviours
Fix the agreement mistake
behaviour
show examples
 is the main
factors
Fix the agreement mistake
factor
show examples
for overcome
Change preposition
in overcoming
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
crime
 in the
world
Add an article
a world
the world
show examples
 that should
be teach
Change the verb form
be taught
show examples
 by parents from their childhood.
Submitted by renimahesan92 on

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coherence cohesion
Focus on improving logical structure by ensuring each paragraph transitions smoothly into the next. Consider using linking phrases to aid coherence.
task achievement
Provide more comprehensive examples that clearly relate to the main argument. While examples about crime rates and accident cases are relevant, they could be backed with more detailed analysis.
task achievement
Clarify ideas by avoiding repetition and ensuring that each point directly supports your argument. Additional explanation of the examples will strengthen your overall response.
coherence cohesion
The essay attempts to address both perspectives of the issue, which shows balance and understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are structured well, providing a basic framework for your position and summaries.
task achievement
You have chosen appropriate topics that are relevant to the prompt, such as the role of poverty and behavior in crime.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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