IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

You should spend about 40 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic. Some people say that advertising encourages us to buy things that we really do not need. Others say that advertisements tell us about new products that may improve our lives. Which viewpoint do you agree with? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words.

#minutes #topic #people #advertisements #products #lives
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In
this
 temporary era, most
people
 declare that promotion
push
Change the verb form
pushes
show examples
 us to buy something that we really do not necessitate. Other
people
 argue that advertisements tell us about new products that may enhance our lives. I really agree to support
first
Change the article
the first
show examples
 statement that
say
Change the verb form
says
show examples
 that
advertaising
Correct your spelling
advertising
 encourages us to purchase items that some
people
 do not need. In
this
 essay, I will provide my opinion on the matter. nowadays, some
people
 believe that
advertaising
Correct your spelling
advertising
navigate
Correct subject-verb agreement
navigates
show examples
 them to purchase things that they
are really do
Change the verb form
really do
show examples
 not necessitate.
This
 is because
advertaisement
Correct your spelling
advertisement
advertisements
 just
promote
Correct subject-verb agreement
promotes
show examples
advantage
Correct article usage
the advantage
show examples
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
 the item that
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been promoted by a brand.
For example
, a beauty skincare that
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 been promoted on a channel
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
television
 just
promote
Correct subject-verb agreement
promotes
show examples
 some
adventages
Correct your spelling
advantages
from
Change preposition
of
show examples
this
product
.
whereas
this
product
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 a lot of
weakness
Fix the agreement mistake
weaknesses
show examples
like
Change preposition
apply
show examples
,
this
product
 contains
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
mercury
that
Correct pronoun usage
which
show examples
 can be
Correct article usage
a hazard
show examples
hazard
Replace the word
hazardous
show examples
 the
people
 if they are
consumtion
Correct your spelling
consumption
consuming
this products
Change the determiner
this product
these products
show examples
. So,
advertaisement
Correct your spelling
advertisement
advertisements
 that have been promoted
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 some channel
television
 can not
100
Add a missing verb
be 100
show examples
% valid. On the
order
Correct your spelling
other
show examples
 hand, other
people
 feel that some
advertaisements
Correct your spelling
advertisements
 have some
adventages
Correct your spelling
advantages
 to increase their lives.
this
 is because some
people
 need
this
product
 that will they use
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 daily life.
For instance
, when there is
student
Add an article
a student
the student
show examples
 that have
accepted
Add a missing verb
been accepted
show examples
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
 a
collage
Correct your spelling
college
show examples
, he
need
Change the verb form
needs
show examples
Correct article usage
a leptop
show examples
leptop
Correct your spelling
laptop
 to
his
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
study in the lecture. meanwhile, he is looking
Change preposition
at a
show examples
a
Change the article
an
show examples
advertaisement
Correct your spelling
advertisement
advertisements
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
television
 and he is interested
to buy
Change preposition
in buying
show examples
this
product
 because
this
product
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 some advantages like
this
product
 very cheap and affordable. But
this
product
 turns out to be easily damaged.
Therefore
, Don't be easily fooled by products advertised on some
television
 channels. In conclusion, some
people
 think that
advertaising
Correct your spelling
advertising
navigate
Verb problem
leads
show examples
 them to buy some
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
 that they do not
necessitate
Verb problem
require
show examples
,
on the other hand
, others state that some
advertaisements
Correct your spelling
advertisements
 have some advantages to enhance their
lifes
Correct your spelling
lives
show examples
.
Submitted by akbarsurya264 on

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coherence cohesion
Your essay introduces both viewpoints effectively and includes an introduction and conclusion. However, further clarity and development of arguments would enhance the response.
task achievement
Work on expanding your points with further explanations and relevant examples. The essay should fully respond to all aspects of the task for a higher score.
task achievement
Ensure your ideas are presented clearly and are comprehensively developed through varied sentence structures.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear introduction and conclusion, which is essential for structuring your essay.
task achievement
You've addressed both sides of the argument, showing an understanding of the task requirements.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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