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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

The map below shows a school in 1985 and the school now.Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The map below shows a school in 1985 and the school now.Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
#school #information #features #comparisons
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The provided picture depicts a
school
Use synonyms
 plan and its transformations during a
thirdy-year
Correct your spelling
third-year
 period, spanning from 1985.
To begin
Linking Words
,
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the
down side
Correct your spelling
downside
show examples
 of the
school
Use synonyms
, The size of
a
Correct article usage
the
show examples
 playing ground was reduced, and
Linking Words
instead
Add a comma
instead,
show examples
sport
Change the noun form
sports
show examples
 facilities like
pool
Correct article usage
a pool
show examples
 and fitness centre were constructed.
Moreover
Linking Words
, a part of
playing
Correct article usage
the playing
show examples
 field was replaced by
class rooms
Correct your spelling
classrooms
show examples
; before construction, classes were held in a two-storey classroom block
along with
Linking Words
 another separate
bulding
Correct your spelling
building
, but
currently
Add a comma
currently,
show examples
 there are two detached parts for classrooms.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the classroom block was
subistituted
Correct your spelling
substituted
 by a new three-storey classroom block. A library existing
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 the left side of the
school
Use synonyms
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 changed to contemporary facilities; a computer room within a
llearning
Correct your spelling
learning
 resource centre
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 offering service to the pupils. In the past, apart from an area in the entrance specified for
carparking
Correct your spelling
car parking
,
their
Replace the word
there
show examples
 was an additional place for cars next to classrooms, but now, that area is an empty area.
Besides
Linking Words
, The office building has been working
same
Correct article usage
the same
show examples
 as
the
Change preposition
in the
show examples
 past located at
Add an article
the to-left
show examples
to-left
Correct your spelling
top-left
show examples
 corner of the
school
Use synonyms
. There is another less significant change; the shape of
parking
Add an article
the parking
a parking
show examples
 lot
in
Change preposition
at
show examples
 the entrance of the
school
Use synonyms
 was altered to
oval
Correct article usage
an oval
show examples
 one.
Overall
Linking Words
, there was a remarkable alteration in most parts of the
school
Use synonyms
;
however
Linking Words
, some buildings are the same similar
to
Change preposition
in
show examples
 1985.
Submitted by faraisam33 on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "moreover".
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Introduction: The introduction is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Introduction: The chart intro is missing.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words school with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: Only 5 basic words for charts were used.
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Vocabulary: The word "changed" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the fourth paragraph.
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Topic Vocabulary:
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