IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Many people make friends through social sites and chat rooms. Others believe that it is not a good idea to make friends without meeting them face to face. Do you agree or disagree with this statement? Give your own opinion and relevant examples

#people #friends #sites #chat #rooms #idea #face
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Owing to the problems the growth of the internet causes easy access and flexibility for
people
 to make new friends,
while
 many
people
 argue to make a connection should to meet
face
 to
face
. I agree with
this
 statement that making connections should be meeting and talking
face
 to
face
 rather than meeting them
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
virtual
Change the word
virtually
show examples
.
Firstly
, meeting
people
 online can be risky. Only meeting
people
 online can lead to many
miscommunication
Change to a plural noun
miscommunications
show examples
such
 as
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 creating a fake account or fake identity, which can lead to scams. Especially,
this
 is so dangerous to children,
their
Correct word choice
that their
show examples
 parents need more protection
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
 their children. Another
issues
Replace the adjective
issue
show examples
 is that socializing online can
increases
Wrong verb form
increase
show examples
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
social
problem
Fix the agreement mistake
problems
show examples
,
such
 as isolation and making
people
 introverted. Before the growth of the internet, to make a connection they had to go to a cafe or a restaurant. Now,
people
 stay at home full day and
this
 can lead to isolation. Isolation is not wealthy and can lead to mental health
such
 as depression and other issues.
On the other hand
, socializing online can make a huge relationship, which can increase networking. A huge network can help employees build connections with other
people
 everywhere.
Additionally
, virtual friends effectively for new information, which we can share knowledge information, culture, and learn new languages from
people
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 other countries. In conclusion, socializing online helps
people
 build knowledge
such
 as new language, culture, and information but many
people
 online can easily
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
make a fake identity or account, which can cause many scams and the children need more protection from their parents.
Submitted by dliyaa on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
To improve clarity, structure your ideas more logically across paragraphs. Ensure each paragraph has a clear central idea and that these ideas build upon each other to develop your argument cohesively.
task achievement
Provide more specific examples to support your points, especially when discussing the risks of online interactions and the benefits of face-to-face meetings. Specific examples strengthen your argument and demonstrate deeper engagement with the topic.
task achievement
Your essay addresses both sides of the issue, which shows a balanced understanding of the topic.
coherence cohesion
The introduction clearly states your position and provides a reasonable context for discussion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: