it's better for students to live away from home during their university studies rather than stay with their parents. To what extent do you agree or disagree
Some individuals argue that living away from
house
Add an article
the house
while
a
studying Correct article usage
apply
it
is Correct pronoun usage
apply
beneficial
for Correct quantifier usage
more beneficial
students
rather than staying with family .I completely agree with this
point for a variety of justifiable reasons.
First and foremost studying out of parents give
undergraduates a chance to grow independently .Primarily ,learning Correct subject-verb agreement
gives
in
abroad Change preposition
apply
enhance
not only Verb problem
apply
students
education ability but Change noun form
students'
student's
also
expand
their knowledge about Correct subject-verb agreement
expands
new
Correct article usage
a new
city
cultural values.Change noun form
city's
As a
result
Add a comma
result,
students
gain additional language ,culture
skills that are essential for their future. Correct word choice
and culture
Furthermore
,pupils from different countries share their expression about their native country ,as a result
, students
expand world
view. Correct pronoun usage
their world
For instance
, an article in the “Musavat”written by Mrs Safiya in 2020 ,stated that graduates who receive good marks are from various countries not
local Add the comma(s)
, not
residence
.
Another Replace the word
residents
completely
argument Is that Change the adverb
complete
students
should live away from their home
Fix the agreement mistake
homes
is
,Unnecessary verb
apply
they
Correct word choice
and they
became
more responsible in Wrong verb form
become
taking
Correct your spelling
making
decision
Fix the agreement mistake
decisions
how
to spend money to pay for both housing and food.Change preposition
on how
Furtehrmore
,nowadays a lot of Correct your spelling
Furthermore
students
who are studying abroad are working at the same time to provide for their needs.Moreover
,spending some proportion of time in
campus Change preposition
on
build
Correct subject-verb agreement
builds
strong
personality.Add an article
a strong
For example
,according to
statistics from Seher newspaper students
who study away from family more
achievements rather than other Add a missing verb
have more
students
.
In conclusion ,I entirely support the view of
that it is better for Change preposition
apply
students
to move their families to study because it gives them maximum concentration and independence .Submitted by huseynova.nigul on
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Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear stance and provides several reasons supporting the idea that living away from home is beneficial. However, try to ensure that each point is equally developed and support them with more specific examples or evidence. This will help in achieving a more balanced and comprehensive response.
Coherence and Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear topic sentence and that your ideas flow logically from one to the next. There are instances where the essay could benefit from smoother transitions between ideas and more cohesive connections between points. Also, work on ensuring the connection between ideas is clear and explicit to enhance coherence and cohesion.
Structure
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps to frame the argument effectively.
Examples
There are relevant supporting examples provided which help to illustrate the points made, such as the reference to "Musavat" and statistics from "Seher newspaper".
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.