in many countries, people are now living longer than before. Some people say an aging population creates problems for the governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent advantages of having an old population outweigh the disadvantages
In most parts of the world, the average
age
of the
Correct article usage
apply
people
is increasing with time. Some people
think that the old age
population
creates issues for the higher authorities, while
others believe that it is advantageous. There are several advantages of aged
Correct article usage
the aged
population
, as they can help their family members by looking after their kids so that younger
generation can stay focused on the work, which will ultimately help the economic growth of the Correct article usage
the younger
country
. On the other hand
, the second group claims that if any city has more
elderly Add an article
a more
the more
population
, so
the governments will have to pay for their medical bills and they might have to build more hospitals nearby.
The main benefit of having aged parents is thatCorrect word choice
apply
,
Remove the comma
apply
young
generation can continue with their employment fearlesslyAdd an article
the young
,
because they can take their Remove the comma
apply
parents
help Change noun form
parent's
parents'
for looking
after their kids. Change preposition
to look
As it
is extremely difficult to maintain a balance between work life and house chores, especially if both the parents are employed somewhere. Correct word choice
It
Additionally
, if more people
are employed so
Correct word choice
apply
this
will improve their financial status and they would easily pay the taxes, which will help in the economic growth of the country
. To illustrate, my friend Ayesha, got married in
Change preposition
at
young
Correct article usage
a young
age
and after she became mother
, it was extremely difficult for her to continue with her job so in Correct article usage
a mother
this
scenario she took help from her grandmother and finally
she was able to give her 100% to the job.
The disadvantages of having Correct article usage
an aging
aging
Change the spelling
ageing
population
are, the
governments would be responsible for the financial support of the individualsCorrect word choice
that the
,
because old Remove the comma
apply
age
invites lots of health issues and they might need to construct more hospitals near every society, as it is pretty unsafe for elderly people
to travel at a distance. For instance
, my grandfather was diagnosed with stage three cancer, for which he was sent to other city
for Change the wording
another city
other cities
the
treatment and the higher authorities were paying for all the medical bills and transportation, as he was a government employee.
Correct article usage
apply
To conclude
, the advantages definitely outweigh the disadvantages, as aging people
are the major support system of the family, which is why majority
of the women can easily work as women Add an article
the majority
a majority
accounts
for 50% Change the verb form
account
population
of the world. This
will benefit the country
and
Correct word choice
apply
will
remove all the financial burdens from the lawmaking authorities and Verb problem
apply
will
support the Verb problem
apply
country
in terms of economic growth by paying the
taxes.Correct article usage
apply
Submitted by dr.tehreemk on
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coherence cohesion
Your essay provides a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. To enhance coherence, consider using more varied linking devices to guide the reader smoothly from one idea to the next.
task achievement
While the essay addresses the task effectively and provides examples, I suggest expanding on how the examples relate to the main point for even clearer task achievement.
coherence cohesion
The main points are well-supported with examples, such as the personal story about Ayesha, which help illustrate your arguments.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly presents the topic and your viewpoint, setting a good foundation for the essay.
Fully explain your ideas
To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).
For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:
- Paragraph 1 - Introduction
- Sentence 1 - Background statement
- Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
- Sentence 3 - Thesis
- Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
- Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
- Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
- Sentence 2 - Example
- Sentence 3 - Discussion
- Sentence 4 - Conclusion
- Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
- Sentence 1 - Summary
- Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
- Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation
Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.