IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

some people say that advertising encourages people to buy things they do not need. others say that advertisements are important sources of information about new products. discuss both views and give your opinion

#people #advertisements #sources #information #products
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In the Fourth Technological Revolution,
advert
Correct your spelling
advertising
show examples
 has become extremely popular in life.
While
 a
segmet
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segment
 of society believe that
adverts
 promote the purchase of
unnessary
Correct your spelling
unnecessary
 products. In my view, commercials are
impotant
Correct your spelling
important
 to create awareness among the masses regarding new articles that could
enchance
Correct your spelling
enhance
 quality of life. The are many reasons why some people believe that advertisements promote consumerism. By producing commercials with catchy music and
colorful
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colourful
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 visuals, shops lure a lot of customers.
For example
, by
advertisement
Replace the word
advertising
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 fizzy drinks with claims
Change preposition
of suppernatural
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suppernatural
Correct your spelling
supernatural
 power, companies coax adolescents to buy products despite having negative consequences for health.
On the other hand
,
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 would argue that
adverts
 can cultivate the understanding of a new item among the public. By providing full information about the items to the people, it helps them to make an informed decision about buying
an items
Correct the article-noun agreement
items
an item
show examples
. For
imstance
Correct your spelling
instance
, a recent survey by the marketing department of Apple mobiles underpinned
this
 assertion by revealing that 62
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 of their customers
bught
Correct your spelling
bought
but
 their new phone after
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
an advert
adverts
show examples
adverts
 featuring their technicalities went live. In conclusion,
while
 things of no immediate needs can be sold using
adverts
, others are of the view that it is crucial for the selling of a product. In my opinion, they should be selective and reference.
Submitted by midden-02.tore on

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coherence cohesion
Improve the logical flow between ideas. Consider using more linking words and phrases to ensure a smooth transition from one point to another.
task achievement
Provide more detailed explanations and analysis to fully address the task and strengthen your argument for each viewpoint.
task achievement
The essay addresses both views as requested by the task and provides a clear personal opinion, which is crucial for a balanced response.
coherence cohesion
There is a clear introduction and conclusion, presenting a good structure for your essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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