Some people say that to prevent illness and disease, governments should focus more on reducing environmental pollution and housing problems. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is argued that governing bodies should put more effort
in
Change preposition
into
show examples
reducing pollution in the environment and difficulty in
accomodation
Correct your spelling
accommodation
to ensure their citizens'
overall
welfare. I would completely agree with
this
argument because these two issues are the major contributors to the medical
problems
people
are suffering these days.  There is no doubt that environmental pollution plays a crucial role in causing
health
issues. Since industrialization emits countless toxic gases into the atmosphere,
people
living in polluted environments, where fresh air is not available, suffer respiratory
problems
,
such
as choking and coughing.
Although
these
problems
seem to be trivial, they may eventually lead to devastating diseases,
such
as lung cancer,
due to
the continuous exposure to toxic wastes in the atmosphere.
For example
, it is reported that residents in urban areas of industrial countries including India and China are three times more likely to suffer from lung
problems
than
people
in other countries.
Therefore
, by focusing on promoting environmental conditions, authorities can enhance their citizens'
health
, preventing possible pollution threats. Another leading cause is the scarcity of proper accommodation. Many
people
in both developed and developing countries are forced to live on the street
due to
high monthly rent and mortgage. These homeless
people
are especially vulnerable to contagious diseases as they are not provided with basic sanitation facilities.
As a result
, they might pass these diseases to other
people
in the street, contributing to a sudden break-out of a pandemic.
However
, if governments can take steps to help these
people
, they can prevent
this
kind of disaster from happening, saving their
people
from potential
health
problems
and ensuring them a roof
on
Change preposition
over
show examples
their heads.  In conclusion, many
people
argue that authoritative bodies should direct their efforts to promote environmental
health
and provide
people
with appropriate accommodations to prevent poor
health
conditions. I would definitely agree with his ideas as concentrating on mitigating the two major threats to human
health
would mitigate possible
health
problems
.
Submitted by jennifer.aung122 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence & Cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph develops a single clear idea, and link your examples more explicitly to your main points for maximal clarity.
Task Achievement
While your essay was comprehensive, ensure that it fully addresses the components of the task prompt; include perspectives or arguments against the main point if the prompt asks for your stance in agreement or disagreement.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay has a well-defined introduction and conclusion, effectively framing the argument.
Task Achievement
The essay provides relevant examples which help support the argument made.
Coherence & Cohesion
The main ideas are clear and logically developed across paragraphs.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • preventive healthcare
  • environmental regulations
  • respiratory diseases
  • public health policies
  • sanitation facilities
  • urban planning
  • communicable diseases
  • socio-economic factors
  • sustainable development
  • government intervention
  • healthcare infrastructure
  • industrial emissions
  • air quality index
  • affordable housing
  • mental wellbeing
What to do next:
Look at other essays: