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Band 5.5

The charts below provide information about the locations and types of dance classes that young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, making comparisons where relevant.

The charts below provide information about the locations and types of dance classes that young people in a town in Australia are currently attending. Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, making comparisons where relevant.
#information #locations #dance #classes #people #town #australia #features #comparisons
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The pie chart illustrates the percentage of
classes
 in held four different
location
Change to a plural noun
locations
show examples
 ( Private
studios
, Community
halls
 &
other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
show examples
, school
halls
, and
collega
Correct your spelling
college
based
Verb problem
apply
show examples
studios
),
while
 the chart shows the number of
studens
Correct your spelling
students
 in three types of dance
classes
 which are Ballet, Tab and Modern in a town in Australia are currently attending.
Overall
, it can see the most popular location is in private
studios
,
whereas
 the
collage based
Add a hyphen
collage-based
show examples
studios
 are the lowest attending. the ballet
class
 have many number of
students
 under 11,
while
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
most
students
among age
Change preposition
aged
show examples
 11-16 join in Modern
class
. In terms of the location of dance
classes
, the Private
calss
Correct your spelling
class
 is held at 48% ,which
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
comes after that the School
halls
Fix the agreement mistake
hall
show examples
 is held
24
Change preposition
at 24
show examples
%.
Likewise
, the community
halls
 & other and collage based
studios
which they
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
held 18% and 10% respectively.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand, when it comes
of
Change preposition
to
show examples
 types of dance
classes
, the number of
students
 under 11 in ballet
class
 is 600
students
while
students
 between 11-16
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 300
students
.
Likewise
, the Tap
class
 has
at
Change preposition
apply
show examples
about 450
students
 under 11
while
 the modern
calss
Correct your spelling
class
 has 300
students
 under 11.
Similary
Correct your spelling
Similarly
, The
figuer
Correct your spelling
figure
 of
students
 among 11-16 in Tap and Modern
calsses
Correct your spelling
classes
 reach approximately 400
students
 and 500
students
 respectively.
Submitted by s_syedy on

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Linking words: Don't use the same linking words: "likewise, while".
▼
Basic structure: Change the third paragraph.
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Vocabulary: Replace the words classes, studios, halls, class, students with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "chart" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "number of" was used 3 times.
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Vocabulary: Use several vocabularies to present the data in the third paragraph.
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