IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

"Prevention is better than cure". Researching and treating diseases is too costly so it would be better to invest in preventative measures. To what extent do you agree.

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Many civilians say that preventing diseases is a better choice than curing
due to
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 how
costy
Correct your spelling
costly
 it can be. I firmly believe that prevention can help in
such
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 a
way
Use synonyms
for example
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, when coronavirus started to spread worldwide it became an emergency case ,
few
Correct word choice
and few
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 people started to suggest home remedies including doctors
among
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apply
show examples
them
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apply
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.
In addition
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 , to that being sick can limit normal activities that one can do
such
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 as walking or as simple as doing your own grocery shopping.
However
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,
its
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it's
it is
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 tough to prevent all new illnesses because they might have new genetic forms or different ribosomes.
Additionally
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 ,I highly believe that making
an
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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affordable resources for limiting new diseases is
benefical
Correct your spelling
beneficial
 apply .
Secondly
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, why would
preventation
Correct your spelling
prevention
 be an option if
theres
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there's
there
 a
way
Use synonyms
 to stop any infection from spreading ? I highly suggest working on that .
For example
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, using the antibody from the virus and
inject
Wrong verb form
injecting
show examples
 it in
an
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a
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conversly
Correct your spelling
conversely
way
Use synonyms
 that alarms the body into making more white blood cells , by that the body would be ready for any attack. Mark Richards and Joesph Kelly have done studies on how to use the genome
into
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in
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 a helpful
human friendly
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human-friendly
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way
Use synonyms
 , back in 2003 they recorded 82 studies on
different
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a different
the different
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type
Fix the agreement mistake
types
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 of
ethinicities
Correct your spelling
ethnicities
 and races and all came into have the virus genome can provide us
a
Add the preposition
with a
show examples
reason to limit
spread
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the spread
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 and attacking our body system.
Finally
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, the
ministry
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Ministry
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 of
health
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Health
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 in each region should all agree
into
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on
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 multiple sources of stopping an infection. In conclusion, I believe if we can prevent diseases it can save us a bunch but if we
Correct your spelling
can
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cant
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can't
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 we should stick
into
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to
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 limiting
it
Correct pronoun usage
them
show examples
 from spreading

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task achievement
Your response addresses the task, but there are areas where you could deepen your analysis. Clearly define your stance early on and make sure all your points consistently support this position.
coherence cohesion
Ensure your ideas are clearly structured. While you have an introduction and conclusion, the body paragraphs should be more logically organized. Consider using clear topic sentences for each paragraph.
task achievement
You've included relevant examples to support your points, such as the reference to the coronavirus pandemic.
coherence cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps in framing your argument.

Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • proactive
  • preventive measures
  • lifestyle diseases
  • public health
  • healthcare expenditure
  • cost-effective
  • chronic conditions
  • early detection
  • immunization
  • health promotion
  • risk factors
  • non-communicable diseases
  • disease surveillance
  • preventive diagnostics
  • health literacy
  • universal healthcare
  • primary prevention
  • secondary prevention
  • tertiary prevention
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