IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Topic: Many feel that going to the gym is the best way to stay fit. Others think that there are more effective methods. Discuss both views and give your opinion

#topic #gym #methods
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Majority of the
people
Use synonyms
 argue that in order
Use synonyms
someone
Change preposition
for someone
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 to remain healthy he or she needs to go to the gym,
while
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other
Fix the agreement mistake
others
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 believe that there are other measures that can be used effectively.
Although
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 going to
gym
Correct article usage
the gym
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 motivates
someone
Use synonyms
 to keep fit, I strongly believe that using
Use synonyms
diet
Correct article usage
a diet
show examples
 can be more effective. On the one hand, the proponents
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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think that gym exercise is more important for a person to keep fit because of the motivation they get there. The reason is when
people
Use synonyms
 meet in
a fitness centers
Correct the article-noun agreement
a fitness center
fitness centers
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, they are always encouraged to work hard and push themselves harder so that they can lose weight.
Furthermore
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, different individuals are
counseled
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counselled
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 differently
according to
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 their capabilities and their goals with the help of trainers.
For example
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, many
people
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 individuals who were once
obesity
Replace the word
obese
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 always think that
the
Correct article usage
apply
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gyms are the best place that can help
someone
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 to stay in shape.
However
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, I think other ways can be
more
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apply
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better.
On the other hand
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, I agree with those who think that other ways can be utilized
such
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 as nutrition.
This
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 is because one of the major
reason
Fix the agreement mistake
reasons
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 why an individual would gain weight so fast is
due to
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 the
diet
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. If he or she can follow the
nutritionists
Change to a genitive case
nutritionist's
nutritionists'
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 meal schedule and the
the
Remove the redundancy
apply
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right time
then
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 chances of staying healthy a higher than those who use fitness
centers
Change the spelling
centres
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.
For instance
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, research done by Mrs Jenny at Bugema University showed that using
Use synonyms
diet
Correct article usage
a diet
show examples
 to maintain your shape is 95% effective.
Therefore
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, controlling the type of food you consume contributes a lot to
someone
Use synonyms
's fitness. In conclusion, even though
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
gyms motivate many to remain fit, I completely agree that
diet
Use synonyms
 can be more effective.
Hence
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 the governments should try to advise
people
Use synonyms
 on good nutrition.
Submitted by jmeeme5 on

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task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples to support your points. For instance, talk about specific diets or compare different fitness methods to make your argument more compelling.
coherence cohesion
Improve logical structure by organizing ideas more clearly. Consider using more transitional words and phrases to guide the reader from one point to the next.
task achievement
Clarify some ideas which seem slightly unclear or unsupported. Ensure that each point you make is clearly explored and comprehensively discussed.
coherence cohesion
The introduction is clear and states both views effectively, leading into your opinion.
coherence cohesion
You have presented a clear conclusion that effectively summarizes the essay.
task achievement
You address both perspectives fairly and provide your opinion, accomplishing the primary task of the essay.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • structured environment
  • access to equipment
  • professional guidance
  • social aspect
  • diverse range
  • cost-effective
  • fitness regimes
  • holistic
  • flexible timing
  • monotonous
  • intimidation
  • functional fitness
  • sustainable
  • integration
  • active hobbies
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