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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people think that children should be raised by all the family members (e.g. Uncle, aunt and grandparents) rather than only parents. Give your opinion.

#people #children #members #e #g #uncle #aunt #grandparents #parents
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Some people think that children should be raised by all the family members (e.g. Uncle, aunt and grandparents) rather than only
parents
. Give your opinion.
While
 in our society, children are principally raised by their
parents
, some people
argued
Wrong verb form
argue
show examples
 that all the family members should be involved in their education. I tend to disagree with
this
 idea for diverse reasons.
Firstly
, it is true that children need to have
person
Add an article
a person
the person
show examples
 of
references
Fix the agreement mistake
reference
show examples
 and authority to grow up healthy and to feel safe.
However
, I believe that if there are too many adults around them giving orders,
communicating
Correct word choice
and communicating
show examples
 opinions and rules, they might be lost not knowing the best
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
show examples
option to choose.
Consequently
, they can misbehave not knowing how to act.
In addition
, adults have their own way of thinking so it can be confusing for a
child
, if they hear
opposed
Wrong verb form
opposing
show examples
 ideas, especially for an infant or a
pre-school
Correct your spelling
preschool
show examples
child
. There are often conflicts between two
parents
 and we can easily imagine how difficult it would be if there were more adults around them exposing
constrated
Correct your spelling
construed
 ideas. In my work experience as a
pediatrician
Change the spelling
paediatrician
show examples
, tensions and
conflits
Correct your spelling
conflicts
conflict
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
the
parents
 affect dramatically causing anxiety and anger
by
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the
child
.
Subsequently
,
there
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 might have difficulty
to sleep
Change the verb form
sleeping
show examples
,
to eat
Change the verb form
eating
show examples
 and
to learn
Change the verb form
learning
show examples
 at school.
On the other hand
, when
parents
 lack with
their
Change the word
the
show examples
responsabilities
Correct your spelling
responsibilities
 of
rising
Correct your spelling
raising
show examples
 their
child
 and giving them a proper education, an aunt or uncle,
for instance
, might be
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 good alternative option.
To sum up
, I don't believe that all the family members should
interfe
Correct your spelling
interfere
 with the education of a
child
.
However
, in certain situations, they could be valuable resources.
Submitted by leila.dosso on

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Clear and Comprehensive Ideas
Improve the clarity of ideas by providing a more balanced discussion. Try to explore both sides of the argument more thoroughly.
Relevant and Specific Examples
Add more specific examples to illustrate your points, perhaps by including real-world scenarios or research findings to strengthen your argument.
Introduction and Conclusion Present
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which helps frame the argument well.
Supported Main Points
Main points are adequately supported and demonstrate a fair understanding of the topic.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • extended family
  • support
  • emotional stability
  • diverse experiences
  • perspectives
  • strong bonds
  • sense of belonging
  • multiple caregivers
  • burden
  • balanced parenting
  • find a balance
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