The gap between the rich and poor is widening in many countries. What problems can this cause, and what can be done to reduce the gap?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays,
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
many modern countries
facing
Wrong verb form
face
show examples
a gap between wealthy and poor individuals because of
people
Use synonyms
's cheap
mentality
Use synonyms
,
because
Correct word choice
and because
show examples
of
this
Linking Words
many
people
Use synonyms
ignores
Change the verb form
ignore
show examples
the fact that they are all human
being
Fix the agreement mistake
beings
show examples
, by changing our judgement and thinking quality we can solve
this
Linking Words
sort of
issues
Fix the agreement mistake
issue
show examples
. In
this
Linking Words
essay, I will examine the cause and will provide a suitable solution. The main fact is that many rich
people
Use synonyms
lives
Change the verb form
live
show examples
in a luxurious society,
where
Correct word choice
which
show examples
general
people
Use synonyms
can't enter, because of that
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
space created by
wealthy
Correct article usage
a wealthy
show examples
lifestyle.
Hence
Linking Words
, poor
people
Use synonyms
and rich individuals couldn’t get any chance to talk
each
Change preposition
to each
show examples
other,
neither
Correct word choice
and nor
show examples
they
can
Verb problem
be
show examples
involve
Wrong verb form
involved
show examples
in any social parties.
For instance
Linking Words
,
many
Change preposition
in many
show examples
developed
country's
Change noun form
countries
show examples
wealthy
people
Use synonyms
are organizing very expensive events,
where
Correct word choice
which
show examples
normal
people
Use synonyms
cannot
enter
Verb problem
attend
show examples
because of many restrictions.
Therefore
Linking Words
, poor individuals cannot enter those parties, so they don't go
for
Linking Words
this
Linking Words
reason and the gap still remains. Rich or poor doesn't matter in
this
Linking Words
advanced world,
people
Use synonyms
should change their
mentality
Use synonyms
and educate themselves about good ethics and
adequate
Replace the word
adequacy
show examples
.
Additionally
Linking Words
, those who are
so called
Add a hyphen
so-called
show examples
rich if they properly value the poor
people
Use synonyms
's hard work and gratitude them as one of them
then
Linking Words
,
this
Linking Words
problem could be solved. So, it is an essential step to convert our weak
mentality
Use synonyms
to a rich
mentality
Use synonyms
. In conclusion, these days,
modern
Correct article usage
the modern
show examples
lifestyle and poor
mentality
Use synonyms
created a gap between
poor
Correct article usage
the poor
show examples
and
rich
Correct article usage
the rich
show examples
.
This
Linking Words
problem can be solved by changing our perspectives and providing self-education which will
bring
Verb problem
have
show examples
a great impact on human behaviour.
Submitted by AL NURE FOYZUR REZA SUPRIO on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Achievement
The essay presents a clear overall response to the task and addresses both parts of the question. However, it would benefit from a more organized structure with clear paragraphs dedicated to discussing specific problems and solutions.
Coherence and Cohesion
Some ideas are not fully developed or linked clearly. Try to expand on each idea with more examples or explanations and ensure there's a logical connection between them.
Task Achievement
The essay would improve with more specific examples to support points, such as citing statistics or studies, or mentioning well-known instances of wealth inequality and efforts to bridge this gap.
Task Achievement
The introduction clearly sets the stage for the discussion by mentioning the main issues and proposing a focus on solutions, which creates a good framework for the essay.
Coherence and Cohesion
A clear conclusion is provided, summarizing the main points and reiterating the proposed solutions, which adds to the overall coherence of the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: