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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some pepole say that teenagers should work part-time and earn money. This way they will learn basic lessons about work and becom disciplined. Others argue that teenagers should not sacrifice their rest and after-school activities to work . Discusee both views and give your opinion.

Different
people
Use synonyms
 have different aspects of seeing about the phases of
life
Use synonyms
. Many
people
Use synonyms
 might think that if teenagers
works
Change the verb form
work
show examples
 part-
time
Use synonyms
 and
earns
Change the verb form
earn
show examples
money
Use synonyms
that
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
this
Linking Words
 might be a way to
disciple
Verb problem
discipline
show examples
 themselves and a way to learn about
life
Use synonyms
.
In
Change preposition
On
show examples
 the other hand,
people
Use synonyms
 might disagree and will say that
teenaagers
Correct your spelling
teenagers
 not be involved with after-school activities and enjoy
when
Correct pronoun usage
them when
show examples
 they can. In my view, learning is a phase of
life
Use synonyms
 and everyone will get
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to face it.
However
Linking Words
, many countries
offers
Change the verb form
offer
show examples
jobs
Change the noun form
job
show examples
 opportunities to teenagers with short shifts and low pay which they can
be take
Change the verb form
take
show examples
 part
after
Change preposition
in after
show examples
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
school finishes or
on
Change preposition
during
show examples
 their summer holidays. They believe that if young
people
Use synonyms
works
Change the verb form
work
show examples
then
Linking Words
 they will acknowledge and value the work and
money
Use synonyms
. '
One
Use synonyms
 who values the work and
money
Use synonyms
 will grow up being
discipline
Wrong verb form
disciplined
show examples
' as told by
one
Use synonyms
 of the great
write
Replace the word
writers
show examples
 Lincoln Abraham.
For example
Linking Words
, there was
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
research done between two students who
was
Change the verb form
were
show examples
 actively involved in part-
time
Use synonyms
 jobs and
one
Use synonyms
 who
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 never worked. The research shows that there was more maturity
with
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the teenage
boy
Fix the agreement mistake
boys
show examples
 who
does
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 part-
time
Use synonyms
 jobs compared to the
Use synonyms
one
Correct pronoun usage
ones
show examples
 who
does
Wrong verb form
did
show examples
 not.
Additionally
Linking Words
, as I have mentioned above too that every single human
beings
Change to a singular noun
being
show examples
 has different perspectives
of
Change preposition
on
show examples
 living
life
Use synonyms
. Many
believes
Change the verb form
believe
show examples
 that living the age is all that
matter
Change the verb form
matters
show examples
 and
Use synonyms
life
Correct word choice
that life
show examples
 will teach everything itself
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 own
time
Use synonyms
. Agar Khalif said once that we cannot bring the
time
Use synonyms
 back so
ust
Correct your spelling
we
 live the moment. There are
people
Use synonyms
 who strongly
supports
Change the verb form
support
show examples
 that young
people
Use synonyms
 should live their
life
Use synonyms
 freely and enjoy as much as they can, as with
time
Use synonyms
 responsibilities will come and
people
Use synonyms
gets
Change the verb form
get
show examples
struck
Correct your spelling
stuck
show examples
 with completing the tasks of
life
Use synonyms
.
For example
Linking Words
,
I
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
being
an
Change the article
the
show examples
 eldest daughter
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 my house, I didn't get
chance
Correct article usage
a chance
show examples
 to have
restful
Correct article usage
a restful
show examples
 teenage
life
Use synonyms
 and my parents thought that to learn about
life
Use synonyms
 I should be working from a young age, but when I now see myself, I wish I could have made many beautiful and fun memories compared to my other friends. In conclusion,
eventhough
Correct your spelling
even though
people
Use synonyms
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 many
opinion
Change to a plural noun
opinions
show examples
 in relation to teenage
people
Use synonyms
 working part-
time
Use synonyms
 and
earn
Wrong verb form
earning
show examples
money
Use synonyms
 or should rest at home. I believe that
teenage
Correct your spelling
teenagers
show examples
 should be given
time
Use synonyms
 to explore the world without any pressure of work and
money
Use synonyms
 as
this
Linking Words
 is something they will face later in their
life
Use synonyms
 span.

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task achievement
Ensure all main points are sufficiently supported with clear examples and explanations, especially when discussing real-world consequences or benefits.
coherence cohesion
Maintain consistent structure by logically ordering your arguments to enhance clarity.
task achievement
The essay presents a balanced view by addressing both perspectives on whether teenagers should work part-time.
coherence cohesion
A clear introduction and conclusion are present, outlining the central topic and summarizing the opinion effectively.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately

Linking words are very important in your essay.

To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.

Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.

In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.

Linking word examples:

  • firstly
  • secondly
  • thirdly
  • in additional
  • moreover
  • also
  • for example
  • for instance
  • therefore
  • however
  • although
  • even though
  • despite

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