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Writing Samples
Band 7.5

As children become adults, their social behaviour changes in some ways. What are the main differences between young children’s social behaviour and that of adults? To what extent are the changes that take place good? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

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In the modern world, many researchers claim that youngsters will
change
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 their social
behaviours
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 in some ways when they experience their lives rather than the development of
adults
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. I think that
this
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change
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 relies on their
behaviours
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instead
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 of the
change
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 of age as the life-experiencing of individuals is an essential part of their lives.
This
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 essay will expound on my views and conclude the topic. To commence, the majority of the reasons for
children
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's
behaviours
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 transform frequently.
Children
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 are more likely to reshape their social skills when they have interacted with peers at schools or educational institutions. In
this
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 circumstance,
children
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 tend to modify their social interactions with different kinds of people to contribute to extending their social circles.
As a result
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,
this
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 can benefit them in preparing to be adulthood
while
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adults
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 have well-developed interaction skills in their lives.
Therefore
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,
this
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change
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 is more likely to be affected by their experiences rather than their ages.
On the other hand
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,
adults
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 and youngsters have many differences in their social behaviour development. One of the major reasons is that mature individuals have more life experience than younger ones so they would not like to
change
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 their social
behaviours
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accordingly
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.
According to
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 the study, it is common for mature people to have many ups and downs in life journeys
such
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 as studying or working, and
this
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 situation tends to build up their interaction with people as well.
Hence
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,
adults
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' social skills are more fully life-experienced and probably do not always shift. In conclusion, following the statement above, I believe that
children
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 transform their social
behaviours
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 more than
adults
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, and their
change
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 relies on life experience
instead
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 of age.

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Introduction Clarity
Make sure to directly address the question from the outset, ensuring your introduction clearly states your stance on the main differences in social behaviors and the extent to which these changes are beneficial.
Support with Examples
Provide clear, concrete examples to support your points. While general observations are valuable, specific examples significantly enhance the persuasiveness of your argument.
Language Variety
Work on varying your sentence structures and expanding your vocabulary to avoid repetition and engage the reader more effectively.
Topic Understanding
The essay successfully outlines the main differences between the social behaviors of children and adults, showing a good understanding of the topic.
Structure
You've structured your essay well, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs that explore distinct points, and a concise conclusion that reinforces your main argument.
Comparative Analysis
The use of comparative analysis between the social behaviors of children and adults effectively highlights the progression and reason behind changes in behavior.
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