IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3

It is important for people to take risks, both in their professional lives and their personal lives. Do you think the advantages of taking risks outweigh the disadvantages?

#people #risks #lives
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is essential for humans to take dangers , in their job-related and personal aspects.
This
 essay will discuss
advantages
Correct article usage
the advantages
show examples
 and disadvantages
about
Change preposition
of
show examples
 taking risks.It is often argued that if you want to move to another city there are a lot of
wastes
Fix the agreement mistake
waste
show examples
 and you will have more
experiences
Fix the agreement mistake
experience
show examples
 if you take a risk. If somebody gets a risk they will have more life practice.
Additionally
, we know that if you want to become wiser you need to go through many experiences. When you step out of your comfort zone , they expose themselves to new opportunities and stay stable in their personal and professional lives.
For instance
,when people work in their workplace and step out of their safe space,they will have more essential proposals. If you want to move to another town there will be significant
wastes
Fix the agreement mistake
waste
show examples
.I believe that if someone
will change
Wrong verb form
changes
show examples
 his workplace ,it will add
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
plots
into
Change preposition
to
show examples
 your growth in
their
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
both lives.
For example
,moving to a new city for a job or starting a new business involves uncertainty but can lead to career advancement ,financial growth ,and valuable life lessons.
At the end
 of
this
Correct determiner usage
these
show examples
opportunities
Add a comma
opportunities,
show examples
 you will win
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
the
Remove the article
apply
show examples
both sides in professional and personal aspects.
Submitted by akzharkynzhamal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Your introduction could be more specific about the topic, and a clear conclusion summarizing the main points could enhance the essay.
task achievement
While you have addressed the question by discussing both advantages and disadvantages, your response would be strengthened by a more comprehensive elaboration on the main points.
coherence cohesion
Try organizing your essay with clear paragraphs. Each paragraph should focus on a single idea and connect smoothly to the next.
task achievement
You have presented both sides of the argument, discussing the advantages and disadvantages of taking risks.
task achievement
The essay includes examples, such as moving to a new city or starting a new business, to illustrate the points about uncertainty and growth.
coherence cohesion
You effectively communicate the concept of stepping out of your comfort zone leading to new opportunities.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Opportunities
  • Growth
  • Innovation
  • Challenges
  • Self-discovery
  • Resilience
  • Uncertainty
  • Consequences
  • Calculated risks
  • Stagnation
  • Regret
  • Comfort zone
  • Entrepreneurship
  • Adventurous spirit
  • Thriving
  • Failure
  • Mitigate
  • Reap the rewards
What to do next:
Look at other essays: