IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Films and computer games which contain violence are very popular. Some people believe they have a negative effect on society and so should be banned. Other people, however, say they are just harmless and help people to relax. Discuss both views and give your own opinion

#films #computer #games #violence #people #effect #society
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Content violence is now common on some platforms, including films and computer games. Some
people
 think that it should be banned because it has a bad impact on
people
,
while
 others believe that it is designed to give relaxation.
This
 essay will examine some key points for both views.
To begin
 with, there are various reasons why
people
 suggest
to banned
Wrong verb form
banning
show examples
 computer games or films which contain violence.
First,
it can trigger
people
 to act
violence
Replace the word
violently
show examples
 in real life. It is undoubtedly that
Correct article usage
the human's
show examples
human's
Change noun form
human
show examples
 brain is very
powerfull
Correct your spelling
powerful
to process
Change preposition
in processing
show examples
 information. Films or video games which are designed
Submitted by masry.pakpahan on

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph fully develops an idea, using examples or evidence to support the main points. This will help improve coherence and task response.
task achievement
Aim to provide a more comprehensive response by including more detailed analysis or examples. This will enhance the task achievement and relevance of your essay.
introduction
The introduction is clear and sets up the discussion of both views effectively.
task achievement
The essay addresses the task by presenting the two perspectives.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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