Some students choose to work or travel after leaving school and before going to university. Many people, however, say that working experience is more useful in adult life than travel. Do you agree or disagree with this statement？

#students #work #travel #school #university #people #adult #life #statement？

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?

In the past few decades, there has been a noticeable increase in the spending gap year before going to university. Some citizens

argued

Wrong verb form

argue

show examples

that

traveling

Change the spelling

travelling

show examples

has

less

Change the quantifier

fewer

show examples

advantages than working

experience

in adult life. I totally agree with these statements and the reasons will be clearly explained in the essay below. The primary reason why working

experience

is more necessary than

traveling

Change the spelling

travelling

show examples

is that high job

experience

makes

Verb problem

gives

show examples

individuals

have

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

a chance to receive

high

Correct article usage

a high

show examples

income

whereas

traveling

Change the spelling

travelling

show examples

not only can not but

also

make them lose money. There are various employees who get a lower salary than

co-worker

Fix the agreement mistake

co-workers

show examples

in the same generation

due to

having less work

experience

than their colleagues.

This

will make a significant impact

Change preposition

show examples

their career path

such

as promotion. Another crucial reason for

this

is that working is a more developed skill ,

such

as communication,

problem solving

Add a hyphen

problem-solving

show examples

, speaking in public and critical thinking than others. When employees work, the environment is more serious than

traveling

Change the spelling

travelling

show examples

, which will help them develop

the

Correct article usage

apply

show examples

important skills quickly. The research conducted by Toronto University found that people who are in a stressful atmosphere or situation will improve their capacities more than individuals who are in a low competitive atmosphere.

To sum up

, there are two reasons why people should build work

experience

rather than

traveling

Change the spelling

travelling

show examples

which are high earning and

Correct quantifier usage

apply

show examples

improving essential skills than

traveling

Change the spelling

travelling

show examples

Therefore

, from the reasons I have mentioned above, there is adequate evidence proving that individuals should focus on their job

experience

rather than

traveling

Change the spelling

travelling

show examples

Submitted by pakcheerac on Mon Dec 09 2024

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion

Clarify some arguments more specifically to enhance understanding. For instance, the conclusion mentioned could include a brief summary of key points rather than a repetition of the main argument.

coherence cohesion

Improve cohesion by using a wider variety of linking words and phrases to connect sentences and ideas more fluidly.

task achievement

Provide more specific examples or evidence for the points discussed, particularly those regarding the benefits of work experience over travel.

coherence cohesion

The introduction clearly states a position and sets up the arguments that follow, which aids in providing a solid starting point for the response.

task achievement

The essay offers a thorough response to the task, including several well-explained reasons to support the main argument.

coherence cohesion

There is a clear effort to develop ideas in a logical manner, and each body paragraph focuses on a single main point related to the task.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

7
Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1
Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
17
Grammar mistakes
detected issues

0123456789.0505

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 7.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

4 paragraphs

253 words

🚀 Prepare for IELTS writing section today!

Unlimited Task 1 & Task 2 checks
Practice with essays, charts, and letters.
Personalized suggestions & mistake analysis
Spot every mistake and boost your score.
Topic ideas & vocabulary helpers
Expand your ideas and use the right words.
Progress tracking
Watch your writing improve with every practice.

What to do next:

Look at other essays:

<4
band
All parents want the best opportunities for their children. There are some people who think that school teaches children a skill but others think having a range of subjects is better for the children's future. Discuss both sides.
The "IELTS Writing Scored Essays Dataset" is a valuable collection of sample essays for the writing section of the IELTS (International English Language Testing System) exam. IELTS is a widely recognized international language proficiency test used to assess language skills and proficiency for academic and general purposes. The writing section is an essential component of the IELTS exam, where candidates are evaluated based on specific criteria.
7
band
Some people believe that climate affects the person’s way of life while others believe that climate has greater impact on the economy of a region. Discuss both view and give your opinion?
There exists little dispute over the influence of weather patterns on several aspects of people. While it is argued that the impacts of weather patterns are more severe on the financial circumstances of an area, many, including myself, tend to adopt a more robust stance in favour of the view that an individual's lifestyle affects more significantly .
8
band
Nowadays, more and more people from different places are spending more time away from their families.What are the possible reasons and the effects on the people themselves ?
There can be no doubt that the topic of individuals living far away from their relatives is one which deserves some analysis. This scenario has resulted from better job prospects and education in different cities and can lead to a beneficial impact on people's life skills.
5.5
band
Many people believe that countries should produce food for the whole population and import as little food as possible. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is no doubt that food is a fundamental need of a nation. However, there are several countries that conduct massive import of foods from another countries. I have a balanced view regarding this issue.
5.5
band
Your town council has decided to demolish historic building due to lack of funds to renovate. Write a letter to your council man. say what the importance of this historic building is mention why it should be renovated rather than pull down suggest a plan to raise funds and maintain the building in the future Write at least 150 words.
I saw an article in the local newspaper regarding the demolishing of our historical fort. As a citizen, I am writing this letter to show my dissatisfaction with your idea. It is one of the historical buildings, which built by the Mughal Empire in 1537. Moreover, the historical war against its destruction in 1600 by our freedom fighter shows how important it was not for our City, but also for the country.

Some students choose to work or travel after leaving school and before going to university. Many people, however, say that working experience is more useful in adult life than travel. Do you agree or disagree with this statement？

Fully explain your ideas

All parents want the best opportunities for their children. There are some people who think that school teaches children a skill but others think having a range of subjects is better for the children's future. Discuss both sides.

Some people believe that climate affects the person’s way of life while others believe that climate has greater impact on the economy of a region. Discuss both view and give your opinion?

Nowadays, more and more people from different places are spending more time away from their families.What are the possible reasons and the effects on the people themselves ?

Many people believe that countries should produce food for the whole population and import as little food as possible. To what extent do you agree or disagree?