IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Many people today are worried about cyber crime such as hacking and identity theft. What problems does cyber crime cause and what solutions can you suggest for ordinary people and businesses to take?

With technology becoming more and more popular, it has reached the most of the communities.
While
Linking Words
that is
Linking Words
 a sign humanity is progressing, some
people
Use synonyms
 are finding ways to take advantage of the inexperienced. Websites, contactless services and software
in general
Add the comma(s)
, in general,
show examples
 are newcomers,
therefore
Linking Words
 mostly the latest generations are knowledgeable about them, leaving older generations in the dust. Since
software
Add an article
the software
show examples
 is
such
Linking Words
 a vast place,
Use synonyms
cyber crime
Correct your spelling
cybercrime
show examples
 is nothing new. It can happen anywhere: an innocent ad,
fake
Correct article usage
a fake
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 bank website or a normal
message
Use synonyms
. Individuals who commit
cyber
Use synonyms
 crimes often mask them to seem as harmful as possible,
while
Linking Words
 bringing a
message
Use synonyms
 or idea,
people
Use synonyms
 could not pass. These result in online robbery, when the victim reveals their bank card information,
home
Correct word choice
and home
show examples
 addresses
being
Wrong verb form
are
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 leaked, and an invasion of privacy.
While
Linking Words
 some hidden traps could seem
as
Change preposition
apply
show examples
urgent,
for
Linking Words
example
Add the comma(s)
example,
show examples
 a
message
Use synonyms
 about issues with a bank account,
Linking Words
however
Add the comma(s)
however,
show examples
 if it truly would be urgent, often the person would be getting a call. It is important to be wary and check from whom the
message
Use synonyms
 is from and whether it seems as an official deliverer or not. If it is an ad, it is better to go directly to the website of interest and check there or google the item
instead
Linking Words
. Often
cyber
Use synonyms
 attackers lurk for
people
Use synonyms
 in sketchy, illegal websites and it is advisable for
people
Use synonyms
 to avoid them. It is in an individual's best interest to get a security app installed
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
 a computer to protect from
so called
Add a hyphen
so-called
show examples
 ‘innocent’ ads, who could try to get through the firewall.
Use synonyms
Cyber crime
Correct your spelling
Cybercrime
show examples
 is getting bigger by the
second,
Linking Words
since tracking down offenders is much harder than chasing them down the street. With minimum
consequences
Add a comma
consequences,
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 the crime rates are growing, which will result in
breach
Add an article
a breach
show examples
in
Change preposition
of
show examples
 privacy. It is best to be knowledgeable about the types of
cyber
Use synonyms
 crimes and be cautious.

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task achievement
Your introduction could give a clearer view of the problems and solutions. Try to state them outright.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea so the reader can follow easily. Use linking words like 'first,' 'next,' and 'finally.'
task achievement
Add more examples to support your ideas. This will make your points stronger and clearer.
coherence and cohesion
Make sure your conclusion wraps up your ideas clearly and restates the main points briefly.
content
You have identified important problems related to cyber crime. Your understanding of the issue is clear.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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