IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some people believe that it is more important to teach children the literature of their own country than other countries. Do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, people are already open-minded towards various cultures, which emerges the different perceptions about learning
literatures
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literature
kinds of literature
pieces of literature
works of literature
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. Some individuals might argue that it is more essential to teach kids the literature of their nation,
while
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 others think
otherwise
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. In
this
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 essay, I will examine the extent to which I do not completely agree with
this
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 statement. On the one hand, allowing
children
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 to learn literature only from their own
country
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 can limit their
knowlegde
Correct your spelling
knowledge
 relating to the world
literatures
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literature
kinds of literature
pieces of literature
works of literature
show examples
. It may narrow down their cultural thinking, which will lead to
the
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apply
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racism.
While
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 kids
focusing
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focus
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 on preserving their cultures, they forget that there are other parts
in
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of
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this
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 world which are still untouchable.
For example
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, the Korean people,
they
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apply
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are well-known as a
country
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 which holds strongly
onto
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to
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 their traditions.
However
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, most
indivudals
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individuals
 see them as the most racist
country
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 in the world.
On the contrary
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, teaching
children
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literatures
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literature
kinds of literature
pieces of literature
works of literature
show examples
 from their own
country
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 helps to preserve a sense of
culture
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cultural
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 identity. It enables them to understand
regarding
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apply
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their traditions and values.
In addition
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, they can
also
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 participate directly in order to make
the
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apply
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history more sustainable.
Further
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, it can strengthen
the
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apply
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nationalism and
feeling
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a feeling
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 of belonging. For illustration,
the
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apply
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Balinese
children
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 are taught about
traditional
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a traditional
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 dance, called "Kecak",
since
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from
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the
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an
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 early
ages
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age
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. Today, people worldwide know Bali for its strong historical values,
which
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in which
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 its civilians can present their
dancings
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dancing
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in
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at
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 certain events. Even more, it can promote
the
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apply
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tourism in Indonesia as well. All things considered, I believe that
children
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 should learn literature from both sources, their own nation and others. The point
that is
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 noteworthy is the proportion of materials given should be proportional. As they belong to one
country
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, they should learn and know better in that area.

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content
Clarify the connection between learning literature and the potential for racism. Strengthen this argument with clear logical reasoning or supporting evidence.
structure
To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph clearly supports your central argument. Consider using more transition words to guide the reader through your essay.
content
Consider providing more detailed and varied examples to support your points about cultural identity and global understanding.
language
Avoid repetitions and redundant words such as 'nowadays' and 'today', and use more precise language to emphasize your points.
structure
The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, maintaining a good overall flow.
content
The introduction effectively states your position on the topic, preparing the reader for your arguments.
content
You provide examples such as Korean people and Balinese children, which add depth to your discussion and help illustrate your points.
content
The conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint and reinforces the idea of learning literature from both local and global sources, which is a balanced approach.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Native literature
  • Cultural identity
  • Heritage
  • Traditions
  • National pride
  • Language skills
  • Idiomatic expressions
  • Engagement
  • Relatability
  • Broaden perspectives
  • Cultural awareness
  • Open-mindedness
  • Literary heritage
  • Bias
  • Diverse perspectives
  • Global community
  • Domestic vs. international literature
  • Cultural nuances
  • Sense of belonging
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