Some people believe that it is more important to teach children the literature of their own country than other countries. Do you agree or disagree?

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Nowadays, people are already open-minded towards various cultures, which emerges the different perceptions about learning
literatures
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literature
kinds of literature
pieces of literature
works of literature

It appears that literatures is an uncountable noun and should not be made plural. Consider changing the noun.

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. Some individuals might argue that it is more essential to teach kids the literature of their nation,
while
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others think
otherwise
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. In
this
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essay, I will examine the extent to which I do not completely agree with
this
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statement. On the one hand, allowing
children
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to learn literature only from their own
country
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

can limit their
knowlegde
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knowledge

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relating to the world
literatures
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literature
kinds of literature
pieces of literature
works of literature

It appears that literatures is an uncountable noun and should not be made plural. Consider changing the noun.

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. It may narrow down their cultural thinking, which will lead to
the
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apply

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racism.
While
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kids
focusing
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focus

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on preserving their cultures, they forget that there are other parts
in
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of

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this
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world which are still untouchable.
For example
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, the Korean people,
they
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apply

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are well-known as a
country
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which holds strongly
onto
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to

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their traditions.
However
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, most
indivudals
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individuals

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see them as the most racist
country
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

in the world.
On the contrary
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, teaching
children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

literatures
Change the wording
literature
kinds of literature
pieces of literature
works of literature

It appears that literatures is an uncountable noun and should not be made plural. Consider changing the noun.

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from their own
country
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

helps to preserve a sense of
culture
Replace the word
cultural

The word culture doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

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identity. It enables them to understand
regarding
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apply

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their traditions and values.
In addition
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, they can
also
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

participate directly in order to make
the
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apply

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history more sustainable.
Further
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, it can strengthen
the
Correct article usage
apply

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nationalism and
feeling
Correct article usage
a feeling

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of belonging. For illustration,
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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Balinese
children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

are taught about
traditional
Correct article usage
a traditional

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dance, called "Kecak",
since
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from

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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the
Correct article usage
an

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

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early
ages
Fix the agreement mistake
age

It seems that ages may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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. Today, people worldwide know Bali for its strong historical values,
which
Change preposition
in which

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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its civilians can present their
dancings
Fix the agreement mistake
dancing

It seems that dancings may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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in
Change preposition
at

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

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certain events. Even more, it can promote
the
Correct article usage
apply

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tourism in Indonesia as well. All things considered, I believe that
children
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It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

should learn literature from both sources, their own nation and others. The point
that is
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Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

noteworthy is the proportion of materials given should be proportional. As they belong to one
country
Use synonyms

It is important to use synonyms in your writing, as you will lose marks if you repeat words from the question and use the same words in your essay over and over. If you do that, it will show the examiner that you have a limited vocabulary and you want to do the opposite for a high band score.

, they should learn and know better in that area.

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content
Clarify the connection between learning literature and the potential for racism. Strengthen this argument with clear logical reasoning or supporting evidence.
structure
To enhance coherence and cohesion, ensure that each paragraph clearly supports your central argument. Consider using more transition words to guide the reader through your essay.
content
Consider providing more detailed and varied examples to support your points about cultural identity and global understanding.
language
Avoid repetitions and redundant words such as 'nowadays' and 'today', and use more precise language to emphasize your points.
structure
The essay presents a clear structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, maintaining a good overall flow.
content
The introduction effectively states your position on the topic, preparing the reader for your arguments.
content
You provide examples such as Korean people and Balinese children, which add depth to your discussion and help illustrate your points.
content
The conclusion effectively summarizes your viewpoint and reinforces the idea of learning literature from both local and global sources, which is a balanced approach.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Native literature
  • Cultural identity
  • Heritage
  • Traditions
  • National pride
  • Language skills
  • Idiomatic expressions
  • Engagement
  • Relatability
  • Broaden perspectives
  • Cultural awareness
  • Open-mindedness
  • Literary heritage
  • Bias
  • Diverse perspectives
  • Global community
  • Domestic vs. international literature
  • Cultural nuances
  • Sense of belonging
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