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Writing Samples
Band 6.5

The bar chart below gives information about the number of students studying Computer Science at a UK university between 2010 and 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The bar chart below gives information about the number of students studying Computer Science at a UK university between 2010 and 2012. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
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The column graph illustrates some
datas
Correct your spelling
data
at
Change preposition
from
show examples
 the
British
Use synonyms
 about
amount
Add an article
the amount
show examples
 of pupils who studied knowledge of
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 and
compare
Correct subject-verb agreement
compares
show examples
thesem
Correct your spelling
these
them
 percentages between
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
men
Use synonyms
 and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
women
Use synonyms
 in 2010, 2011 and 2012. It can be seen the proportion of
British
Use synonyms
home
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 had been more compared to the international
students
Use synonyms
 and the
women
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 almost had
been
Unnecessary verb
apply
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less
compare
Change the verb form
comparing
compared
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 with the
men
Use synonyms
.
It is clear that
Linking Words
 the female generation always
were increasing
Wrong verb form
increased
show examples
 over
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
time in both international and
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
British
Use synonyms
home
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
. In 2010, the rate of the
British
Use synonyms
home
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 was at approximately 33 per cent. It climbed to half in both two other years.
As well as
Linking Words
, the international pupils had steady progress over time, respectively.
In contrast
Linking Words
, not only the
native's
Change noun form
native
show examples
 male
students
Use synonyms
 was sharply less than the
women
Use synonyms
, in 2010, but
also
Linking Words
 the proportion of
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
abroad
students
Use synonyms
 almost was close to it.
Moreover
Linking Words
, the rate of both
kind
Change to a plural noun
kinds
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 of
students
Use synonyms
 was close to each other in 2012, at approximately 42 per cent and 39 per cent in the
British
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home
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
 and the international
students
Use synonyms
, respectively. In 2010, the
men
Use synonyms
 and the
women
Use synonyms
 had similar
pattern
Fix the agreement mistake
patterns
show examples
,
however
Linking Words
,
men
Use synonyms
 had just a little
more
Correct word choice
higher
show examples
 rate compared to the
women
Use synonyms
.

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Vocabulary: Replace the words british, men, women, home, students with synonyms.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "compare" was used 4 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "proportion" was used 2 times.
▼
Vocabulary: The word "approximately" was used 2 times.
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Vocabulary: The word "almost" was used 2 times.
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Topic Vocabulary:
  • enrolment numbers
  • fluctuations
  • trend
  • depicts
  • analyze
  • peak
  • significant
  • comparison
  • subject matter
  • highlight
  • notable
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