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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

The diagram below shows the life cycle of salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. af

The diagram below shows the life cycle of salmon. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant. af
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The diagrams illustrate the life cycle of a species of large fish called
salmon
Use synonyms
. In general, there are three
phase
Change to a plural noun
phases
show examples
 of the life cycle of
salmon
Use synonyms
.
First,
Linking Words
the little
salmon
Use synonyms
 called fry with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 length of 3-8 cm
is
Wrong verb form
was
show examples
 fast flowing across the lower river for approximately 4 years before it turned
to
Change preposition
into
show examples
 a smolt with
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 length
around
Change preposition
of around
show examples
 12-15 cm.
Second,
Linking Words
the smolt
then
Linking Words
 will continue to swim until
reached
Wrong verb form
reaches
show examples
 the open sea or the ocean for about 5 years.
Lastly
Linking Words
, the smolt will
turned
Change the verb form
turn
be turned
show examples
 into an
adult
Use synonyms
salmon
Use synonyms
. The length of the
adult
Use synonyms
salmon
Use synonyms
 will reach over 70-76 cm. The
adult
Use synonyms
salmon
Use synonyms
then
Linking Words
 will
moving
Change the verb form
move
be moving
show examples
 slowly to the upper rivers for
abour
Correct your spelling
about
 5-6 months to
looking
Wrong verb form
look
show examples
 for
a reeds
Correct the article-noun agreement
reeds
a reed
show examples
.
Then
Linking Words
, the
adult
Use synonyms
salmon
Use synonyms
 will produce the egg in the bottom of the reeds that
covered
Add a missing verb
are covered
show examples
 with stones,
that
Correct word choice
which
show examples
 later will
turned
Change the verb form
turn
be turned
show examples
 into a fry.

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Sentences: Add more complex sentences.
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Conclusion: The conclusion is too long.
Common mistake: Your writing should be 150-250 words.
Vocabulary: Replace the words salmon, adult with synonyms.
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Vocabulary: The word "reached" was used 2 times.
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