IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 2.5

The comparison of student numbers and their favorite sports in secondary schools over two school years (2004-2005 and 2014-2015).

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
The charts give information about the number of
students
Use synonyms
at
Change preposition
in
show examples
 secondary
school
Use synonyms
 and the types of their
favorite
Change the spelling
favourite
show examples
 sports during the two
school
Use synonyms
years
Use synonyms
.
Overall
Linking Words
, in 2015 schools embraced more
students
Use synonyms
 than
2005
Change preposition
in 2005
show examples
 and for 10
years
Use synonyms
students
Use synonyms
' interest in sports
changes
Wrong verb form
changed
show examples
 respectively.
Regarding the
Correct word choice
The
show examples
 number of
students
Use synonyms
 was 73,000 in
2004
Correct article usage
the 2004
show examples
-2005
school
Use synonyms
Use synonyms
years
Fix the agreement mistake
year
show examples
 and after 10
years
Use synonyms
 demand for
school
Use synonyms
 rose and it stood at 91, 000. In 2003-2005, the
students
Use synonyms
 of secondary
school
Use synonyms
 were big fans of tennis and football ( 40% and 30% ) followed by basketball 15% and swimming
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
10%. Rugby
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
is the most unpopular game among
students
Use synonyms
. Next period,
this
Linking Words
 trend
to reflect
Change the verb form
reflects
show examples
 the
students
Use synonyms
' interest we can see that tennis lost
reputation
Correct pronoun usage
its reputation
show examples
 and reduced
15
Change preposition
by 15
show examples
%.
By contrast
Linking Words
,
students
Use synonyms
 began to play basketball and football more than past. Attending the swimming pools and rugby did not change the level and the rate of
students
Use synonyms
.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea. Organize your ideas logically so that the progression of information is clear to the reader.
task achievement
Provide specific data or examples, such as exact numbers or percentages, and ensure these support your main points clearly.
coherence cohesion
Include both an introduction and a conclusion in your essay to frame your response and summarize key points.
task achievement
The essay successfully compares two different time periods, showing a trend in school attendance and sports preferences.
supported main points
The use of percentages and statistics helps to convey the changes over time in student preferences.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: