Some people think young people should be required to have full time education until they are at least 18 years old. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
It is often said that children should have proper
education
until they are mature enough to take care of themselves. I strongly agree with this
view because it allows students
to focus on their studies and also
helps them build personalities.
First and foremost, when a child enrolls a
formal school, as a full-time student, it allows him or her to concentrate more on studies. Change preposition
on a
Therefore
, if children are more focused on their education
early in life, this
will help them in getting good grades and getting admission to well-known universities, which can result in them having better future prospects. Full-time students
in India, for example
, almost
Add a missing verb
are almost
all
Correct pronoun usage
apply
of
Change preposition
apply
them
accepted Correct pronoun usage
apply
on
Change preposition
into
top
three universities in the world.
Correct article usage
the top
Furthermore
, attending formal schools helps young people develop their character as well. This
is because schools not only teach academic subjects but also
indirectly instil a sense of responsibility. For example
, systems like homework, strict daily schedules, and rules regarding appearance must be followed by all students
from their early grades until their final years, typically around the age of 18 years old. As a result
, students
get used to these system
for 12 years, which helps improve discipline and reduce bad habits as preparation before they transition directly into society.
In conclusion, obligatory Change the determiner
this system
these systems
education
provides young people with proper knowledge for a bright future as well as
fosters good personalities through various activities in school. That is
why recommended that the government implement policies to encourage parents and guardians to send their children to quality education
.Submitted by nineband9s on
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task achievement
Incorporate a greater variety of specific examples to strengthen arguments and support points made in your essay.
task achievement
Ensure all examples used effectively represent the point being made, minimizing generalizations.
coherence cohesion
Enhance the use of linking words and phrases to ensure fluidity between sentences and sections, although your current structure is quite organized.
coherence cohesion
Clear and comprehensive introduction and conclusion that frame the main argument well.
coherence cohesion
Logical flow of ideas with each paragraph contributing effectively to the central thesis.
task achievement
Well-defined and supported main points that strengthen the task response.