Nowadays young people spend too much of their free time in shopping malls. This has negative effects on themselves and the society they live in. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this statement?
The consumerism era has arrived, marked by the large number of youths going to shopping malls to spend their leisure time. It is quite clear that
this
phenomenon brings negative effects not only to
their surroundings but Change preposition
on
also
their
lives. I strongly agree with Change preposition
on their
this
view because it encourages young people to become consumptive and also
decreases their cultural awareness.
First and foremost, when an adolescent goes to a shopping mall every free time, it enhances the opportunity for him or her to buy something impulsively. Therefore
, if youngsters come frequently to the shopping centres, this
will makes
them become Change the verb form
make
spendthrift
, which can result in them not knowing how to save their money. Fix the agreement mistake
spendthrifts
For instance
, teenagers often buying
new branded apparel, gadgets, or trendy accessories because they see others buying them. Wrong verb form
buy
As a result
, they might run out of money by the end of the month, making it difficult to save for emergencies or important needs.
Furthermore
, attending shopping centres often makes them overly spoiled with modern conveniences. This
causes youths to overlook their cultural heritage or traditional activities. A survey shows that 70% of Indonesian youth today is
more familiar with arcade machines in malls rather than authentic games originating from their own country. Correct subject-verb agreement
are
This
means,
the population of traditional elements unique to Remove the comma
apply
country
are gradually disappearing and losing their distinctive features.
In conclusion, shopping malls can have detrimental impacts on young people, especially those who Add an article
the country
still
in Add a missing verb
are still
development
period, Add an article
the development
such
as not valuing money and becoming unaware about
their culture. Change preposition
of
This
highlights the important role of parents in directing their children toward other beneficial activities.Submitted by nineband9s on
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task achievement
Try to provide more variety in your examples or discuss potential counters to your claims for a more balanced argument.
coherence and cohesion
Ensure each paragraph transitions smoothly to enhance the logical flow of the essay.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which help frame the argument effectively.
task achievement
You’ve provided thoughtful main points with supporting evidence.