One of the consequences of improved medical care is that people are living longer and life expectancy is increasing. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvatages?
The
development
of medical services in recent decades has contributed to the spontaneous improvement
of individuals’ life
expectancy
. This
phenomenon leads to an optimised expectation of the advanced medical care system. Nonetheless
, the negative impacts of it should not be ignored. Overall
, I would disagree with the proposition which claims that more pros are provided by the increased life
expectancy
.
The improvement
of life
expectancy
benefited by advanced medical care has significantly changed our society. Primarily, with a longer life
, people can explore more potential possibilities in their lives. Supported by the interesting fact that more younger generations are likely to have a gap year before they study at University, a better life
expectancy
is essential to the growth of the creativity of our society. Moreover
, living longer is crucial for the
society’s cultural maintenance. Correct article usage
apply
This
is because people can spend more time with their family, which promotes intergenerational communication. For the elders who experienced the dramatic development
of the last
century, they can pass over some valuable memories from the old days.
However
, the improvement
in life
expectancy
also
alters some concerns. First of all, there is a mismatch between the increasing life
expectancy
and the maintenance of life
quality. If a treatment purely lengths a patient’s lifespan and this
person will live interdependently afterwards, a moral concern regarding the effectiveness of a
treatment will be raised. Remove the article
apply
Moreover
, from a demography
perspective, there is a conflict between the exploded population extension and sustainable Replace the word
demographic
development
. The prolonged life
expectancy
because of better health care will challenge the balance between human society and the environment.
In conclusion, even though the improvement
of life
expectancy
has some advantages in the context of social issues, more disadvantages need to be addressed in terms of moral concern and consistence development
.Submitted by heimli6 on
Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.
task achievement
Your essay presents a clear response to the question, fully addressing both the advantages and disadvantages of increased life expectancy. However, to enhance the clarity, consider providing a more explicit thesis statement in your introduction, clearly stating your stance on whether the advantages outweigh the disadvantages.
coherence cohesion
The text is generally well-organized, and ideas are logically sequenced, making the reading flow smooth. However, you might want to ensure each body paragraph focuses a bit more sharply on a single main idea, with supporting details clustered around that core concept.
coherence cohesion
While the essay is coherent and presents logical arguments, using more transitional phrases could further improve cohesiveness and guide your reader through your line of reasoning.
structure
Your essay incorporates a well-structured introduction and conclusion, summarizing the main points effectively.
task achievement
You have addressed various sides of the issue, touching on societal, cultural, and environmental impacts, which strengthens your response to the task.
task achievement
The use of examples such as the "gap year" to illustrate the impact of longer life expectancy is effective and makes your argument relatable.
Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.
Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.
When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.
Linking words for giving examples:
- for example
- for instance
- to illustrate this
- to give a clear example
- such as
- namely
- to illustrate
- take, for example