IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 3.5

Doctors in many countries concerned that people are not getting enough physical exercise. What causes this? How this can be solved?

#doctors #countries #people #exercise
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Noowadays
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Nowadays
, Professionals worldwide have been concerned about lacking
of
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apply
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Correct article usage
an individual's
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individual's
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individual
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workout
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workouts
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.
This
Linking Words
essy
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essay
 will discuss the cause of
this
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concerned
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concern
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,
as well as
Linking Words
 possible solutions to the problem. First of all, There are various reasons why
global
Correct article usage
the global
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 population are not getting enough physical
exercise
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.
Firstly
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, Changing
in
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apply
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human
behavior
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behaviour
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, these days, as advances
technology
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in technology
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such
Linking Words
 as
computer
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computers
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,
smartphone
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smartphones
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 and
internet
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the internet
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changes
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change
show examples
 our daily
life
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lives
show examples
.
for instance
Linking Words
,
Online
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in Online
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 shopping, people
not
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do not
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necessary
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necessarily
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 go outside
for
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to
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 purchase things at department
store
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stores
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,
market
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markets
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 or shopping
center
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centers
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. They could buy
anythings
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anything
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 that they need
by
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from
show examples
 online shopping
platform
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platforms
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for example
Linking Words
 amazon and
ebay
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eBay
 and
then
Linking Words
provider
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the provider
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delivered
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delivers
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 products to them.
Secondly
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,
shortages
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shortage
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 of
exercise
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 activities
area
Use synonyms
. In recent years,
Increasing
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the Increasing
show examples
in
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apply
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demand
of
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for
show examples
 living in
urban
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the urban
show examples
Use synonyms
area
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areas
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 around
city
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the city
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center
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centre
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cause
Wrong verb form
has caused
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 a lot of density of
building
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buildings
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 and decreasing
of
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in
show examples
exercise
Use synonyms
 activities
Use synonyms
area
Change the noun form
areas
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such
Linking Words
 as
park
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parks
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 and sports
ground
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grounds
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 that
easy
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are easy
show examples
 for us to use. To address
this
Linking Words
 issue, individuals and governments should promote more active lifestyles. Society can incorporate physical fitness into daily routines
such
Linking Words
 as walking or cycling to work,
while
Linking Words
 governments can create public services
as well as
Linking Words
 implement policies that encourage
exercise
Use synonyms
 and control the amount of
exercise
Use synonyms
area
Use synonyms
 for
theirs
Correct the word
their
show examples
 citizens.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
Correct article usage
the shortages
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shortages
Fix the agreement mistake
shortage
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 of physical activities of
population
Add an article
the population
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 was
the
Correct article usage
an
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 important issue that global medical professionals have been concerned
.
Change preposition
about.
show examples
Submitted by peeranat.phum on

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coherence cohesion
The essay should maintain a consistent voice and clarity throughout. Aim for a more cohesive flow between paragraphs and sentence structures to improve readability.
task achievement
You have addressed the main causes and solutions, but could further elaborate on the specific challenges and explore a wider range of potential solutions.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion clearly present the main idea and recap the issue, offering a logical entry and exit point for readers.
task achievement
You identified technology and urban living as key factors affecting physical exercise, showing a thoughtful consideration of modern challenges.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • sedentary lifestyle
  • digital entertainment
  • physical inactivity
  • recreational facilities
  • modern conveniences
  • remote work
  • high stress levels
  • streaming services
  • video games
  • social media
  • physical activity
  • accessibility
  • public awareness campaigns
  • health benefits
  • habit formation
What to do next:
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