In many countries, people are now living longer than ever before. Some people say an ageing population creates problems for governments. Other people think there are benefits if society has more elderly people. To what extent do the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the disadvantages?

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The phenomenon of ageing-the increasing population of elderly
people
-is
happen
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happens
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in most
part
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parts
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of the world. Some
people
believe
this
phenomenon will
causes
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cause
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problems
for
government
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the government
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,
whereas
others
thinks
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think
show examples
there are advantages
by
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to
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having more elderly
people
in
the
Correct article usage
apply
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society.
This
essay will explain why the advantages of having an ageing population outweigh the
disavantages
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disadvantages
.
To begin
with, it cannot be denied that elderly
people
might
causes
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cause
show examples
problems
for governments.
For instance
, numerous
country
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countries
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must allocate some of the money to
supported
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support
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funding the elderly
people
as part of compassion
to
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for
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the
people
.
However
, the existence of elderly
people
significantly
help
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helps
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young
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the young
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generation by sharing their knowledge and experience
to
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with
show examples
one another. Living a longer life
give
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gives
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an
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apply
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elder
people
a
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apply
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skills that might
necessary
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be necessary
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for the company or the place where
their
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
work. By having some
eldery
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elderly
in
workplace
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the workplace
show examples
, the company can conduct a training and sharing session between the elder and younger
employee
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employees
show examples
.
This
will be beneficial for both the company and the employees as well.
Furthermore
, there is a study that shows a city filled with elderly
people
tend
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tends
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to have
less
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lower
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criminal rates rather than
other
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others
show examples
.
This
might
be cause
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be caused
show examples
by the age of the
people
and how it
affect
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affects
show examples
the limited movement of the
people
. The characteristic of elderly
people
also
shows
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show
show examples
a wisdom
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wisdom
a pearl of wisdom
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and caring
that
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apply
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likely decline the rate of criminal
problems
in the country.
To sum up
, the phenomenon of ageing might
threat
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threaten
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the
problems
of the government,
however
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however,
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I argue that the advantages of having
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
elderly
people
outweigh the disadvantages since the contributions they can
give
Verb problem
make
show examples
to
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
society
is
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
would be beneficial.
Submitted by salwaputrihardiyan on

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Coherence & Cohesion
Enhance the logical flow of your essay. While your introduction and conclusion are present, the organization of ideas within the body paragraphs could be improved for better clarity.
Task Achievement
Improve the use of specific examples and details. Providing more concrete examples could strengthen your points and make the arguments more convincing.
Language use
Work on minimizing grammatical errors and enhancing vocabulary usage. This will help in expressing ideas more clearly and comprehensively.
Task Achievement
Although the main points are addressed, consider expanding them further with additional supporting details to enhance clarity and persuasiveness.
Coherence & Cohesion
The essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, outlining the main argument.
Task Achievement
The essay covers different perspectives on the issue, acknowledging both advantages and disadvantages.
Task Achievement
The idea of elderly people sharing experience and contributing to lower crime rates is compelling and insightful.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • ageing population
  • benefits
  • disadvantages
  • advantages
  • experience
  • knowledge
  • contribution
  • economy
  • society
  • healthcare
  • youth employment
  • community
  • intergenerational support
  • volunteerism
  • mentorship
  • increased demand
  • pension costs
  • social welfare systems
  • workforce
  • productivity
  • intergenerational conflict
  • technological adaptability
  • dependency
  • effective
  • skill development
  • employment opportunities
  • intergenerational solidarity
  • communication
  • lifelong learning
  • technological literacy
  • age-friendly
  • social policies
  • infrastructure
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