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Writing Samples
Band 6

Many elderly people are no longer looked after by their familles but are put in care homes or nursing homes. What are the advantages and disadvantages of this trend?

#people #familles #care #homes #trend
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A
lot
 of the aged population do not stay with his or her families but they are usually sent to
care
 homes or nursing houses.
This
 tendency can have a certain number of advantages, but it is
also
 likely to result in negative outcomes. On the one hand, we can note some positive aspects of nursing or
care
 houses. These groups of objects make a
lot
 of change for the old crowd to take
care
 of their basic needs.
For example
, eating, health and
pass
Verb problem
apply
show examples
wasting time effectively.
Furthermore
,
this
 approach seems really efficient for some busy families, because many
people
 do not
care
 about their parents for their job and other activities. Choosing some
care
 homes not only helps
to
Change preposition
apply
show examples
elderly
people
 but
also
 helps other household limbs. In
this
 case, older
people
 can receive a
lot
 of attention and the young ones can do their work and other essential occupations.
On the other hand
, there are some drawbacks to the feelings of
people
 about separating from their homes, because they spent a big part of their life in certain places and
this
 situation can be hard for some old
people
. Considering a major part of elderly
people
 want to stay and spend some time with their children, grandchildren
and
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
etc.
this
 is the emotional side of
this
 tendency.
In addition
, a
lot
 of parents think about the suffering apply their children and they want additional attention from their children. In short,
this
 situation not only leads to positive implications, but
it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
also
 causes some negative impacts.
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coherence cohesion
Ensure clarity in your ideas by breaking down complex sentences. This will help the reader understand your argument effectively.
task achievement
Although examples are given, providing more detailed or specific ones would better illustrate your points.
introduction conclusion present
The essay introduces the topic clearly and ends with a conclusion that summarizes the key points discussed.
complete response
The essay presents a balanced view by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of the trend.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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