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Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that competition at work, at school, and in daily life is a good thing. Others believe that we should try to coorporate more, rather than competing against each other. Discuss both these views and give your opinions.

#people #competition #work #school #life #coorporate
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Some
people
 consider having competition at work and school to be a good thing,
while
 others think that striving to cooperate is more important, rather than competing. In my opinion, I believe that having competition is essential for job satisfaction,
while
 the
corporate
Replace the word
corporation
show examples
 is more useful for
future
 challenges. On the one hand,
people
 believe having competition with each other at work or school makes them productive more than others which can lead to higher personal achievement. For many employees and students, higher motivation can allow them to focus on their work.
As a result
, they can reach personal achievements which can lead to a good
future
 either.
For
this
 reason, I believe having challenges in life is important to survive in
future
 challenges.
On the other hand
, corporate
skills
 can increase social development.
People
 with corporate
skills
 in a team environment
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
 can build the teamworkwork which can increase job satisfaction. Students who build good relationships with their friends can provide to productive atmosphere,
while
 the employees can build creativity with other
people
.
As a result
, both students and employees get achievement with good teamwork.
For
this
 reason, I believe corporate
skills
 can build good relationships with each other which can lead to good achievements. In conclusion,
people
 with competitive
skills
 can easily get job satisfaction with their personal motivation,
whereas
people
 with corporate
skills
 can build teamwork and get a good
future
.
Submitted by dliyaa on

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task achievement
Provide more relevant and specific examples to strengthen your arguments.
coherence cohesion
Improve coherence by ensuring that all sections of your essay connect logically. Minor grammatical and spelling errors need attention for clarity.
task achievement
You have effectively presented both views on the topic, which is crucial for a balanced discussion.
coherence cohesion
The essay includes a clear introduction and conclusion, providing a good framework for the discussion.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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