IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

Some young people look forward to a year of travelling, a “gap year”; before they begin work or university and see it as a chance to a broaden their horizons. For others this is an expensive waste of time. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #year #“gap #year” #work #university #chance #broaden #horizons #waste #time
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After
graduated
Change the form of the verb
graduating
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 from high school, some young
people
 do some travelling to meet new
people
 and see new places.
While
 other thinks that
this
 act is a waste of time, I think it is a smart way to spend time, especially when you are young. The
people
 who
against
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are against
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 a "gap year" travelling argue that
,
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apply
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it is better to go straight to university and pursue
Add an article
a bachelor
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bachelor
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bachelor's
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 degree. Young
people
 will save some time
of
Change preposition
in
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 their
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. The sooner they enter university, the faster they will enter an adult
life
 in
workplace
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the workplace
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. They can begin their career earlier, get married faster and
then
 have children at young ages.
On the other hand
,
people
 who defend travelling before entering university, say that it is more important to gain new experiences, especially from abroad. It will strengthen your character and
widening
Wrong verb form
widen
show examples
 your mindset.
It
Add a verb
It is
It was
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 essential to live the fullest
life
 since young. One of some famous
example
Fix the agreement mistake
examples
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 is when Obama, the former US president allowed his daughter to take a gap year travelling. He said that it is important for a youngster to see the world. I agree with the
people
 who
do travelling
Wrong verb form
travel
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 in their "gap year".
While
 it is significant to follow normal values
such
 as
study
Wrong verb form
studying
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,
work
Wrong verb form
working
show examples
, married and
have
Wrong verb form
having
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childeren
Correct your spelling
children
,
grow
Wrong verb form
growing
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 old
then
die
Wrong verb form
dying
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, I think one must find himself first before
entered
Wrong verb form
entering
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the
Correct article usage
apply
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adult
life
.
Therefore
, you can become a complete human and do everything mindfully.
This
 kind of maturity could be
gain
Change the form of the verb
gained
show examples
 from travelling. I did not have the luxury of travelling before my undergraduate study.
However
, I did it in my early years of working which means a lot to me.
Submitted by edna.c.pattisina on

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task achievement
Consider expanding on the arguments against taking a gap year for balance.
task achievement
Be mindful of grammatical mistakes, such as subject-verb agreement and word choice.
coherence cohesion
Try to use more transitional phrases to enhance the flow between ideas.
task achievement
The essay clearly presents both views and the writer's opinion.
coherence cohesion
The essay is logically structured with clear paragraphs.
task achievement
Effective use of an example with Barack Obama's daughter to support the main point.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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