IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some believe that student's success is mainly based on the quality of their teaching while others think it has more to do with the student's attitude. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#believe #student #success #quality #attitude
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When it comes to students' success, there is always an argument about
wether
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whether
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 the teachers have more impact or
students
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whether students
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 themselves are the main key.
While
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both
Use synonyms
 are 2 important factors, I believe that it is mostly the person
him self
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himself
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 who paves the way. During
this
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essay
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essay,
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 I shall give my ideas on
this
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 subject and discuss
both
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 sides.
To begin
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 with, some claim that
learning
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the learning
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 environment is the most effective part of making kids successful.
Moreover
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,
a
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the
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 right person as a teacher can be a perfect pattern for students to learn from and get to do important tasks.
For instance
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, we can see children who
spent
Wrong verb form
spend
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 their time in
a
Correct the article-noun agreement
apply
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better educational facilities, are most often more
succsessful
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successful
 than others in
Correct article usage
the latter
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latter
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later
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 life stages.
On the other hand
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, some people are against the idea above because
in
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, in
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 their opinion, it is the child's point of
veiw
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view
 and attitude that leads him in all those ways of becoming a developed member of society.
Also
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, they claim that individuals only spend a small portion of their time
for
Change preposition
apply
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learning, and the rest of the day it is
them
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they
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 who choose what do to with stuff the
learnt
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learn
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.
Finally
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, in my opinion,
both
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 factors are really essential to grow a successful individual. But, the student's attitude, which is developed in the family not schools, has more impact on his success. As all humans only spend about a quarter of their
life time
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lifetime
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 learning, I think it is obvious
wich
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which
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 factor is more important. In
conlusion
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conclusion
, I believe that
both
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theaching
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teaching
 and attitude are essential to
raise
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raising
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 a successful person, I think that if families work on their
kids
Change to a genitive case
kid's
kids'
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 point of view, there
would
Wrong verb form
will
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 even be better results coming out of a good educational environment.
Submitted by Taha Sol. on

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task achievement
Work on providing more specific examples to support your claims. This will make your arguments more persuasive.
coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central idea and all sentences in that paragraph support it.
general
Pay attention to some spelling errors like 'wether', 'succsessful', 'conlusion', which can be avoided with careful proof-reading.
task achievement
You have effectively outlined both perspectives of the argument, which shows a complete response to the prompt.
coherence cohesion
The essay has an introduction and a conclusion, providing a clear structure.
task achievement
You have attempted to provide your personal opinion, which adds depth to the essay.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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